Tired of a friend asking IF can go to the mall vs Parents concerned about Covid

[Celoptra]

I haven’t been to the mall since Dec 2021. My one friend keeps asking if I could come each weekend and I’m always saying No because of my parents. And I’m getting tired of saying no, but it’s epically bad when things in Ontario are “going back to pre-panni press” except with masks still required. I’m betting my parents will say no again. And since I can’t go to the mall without Dad driving me and (friend). I mean I do have another plan go to a fast-food restaurant on Thursday and get some food

But I’m getting tired of saying “no”. But I also know I have to obey my parents since they’re older and they’re concerned about Covid.

[Keniko_Dukas]

Is Covid very bad in your city? If not, it’s perfectly fine to go out as long as you’re careful. Of course if it is then you shouldn’t go out in public for anything that’s not necessary.
Have you told this friend outright that you can’t go and they should stop asking? Something like, “Hey, I really appreciate you trying to include me, but the answer isn’t going to change and it makes me feel bad to have to say no every time.”

[Celoptra]

The mall isn’t in my City but is in the same region and I don’t know how bad it is in our region but since vaccine passport been dropped and business outside of Theatres can be fully open. and since latest variant is still pretty bad. I don’t excatly want to be in same building as bunch of non-vaxed people. Several of them whom probably wouldn’t be wearing masks.

and I’m also afraid of pyschailly contact by non-vaxed fools, whom might try to rip the mask off of me.

At the moment Covid numbers are going down. But that doesn’t mean I can go to the mall on Saturday

[Keniko_Dukas]

Then I would suggest politely asking that they stop. You might want to tweak it if it doesn’t exactly fit your situation, but iirc you’re autistic(?) and thus might have issues with tone, so I tried to word my above suggestion in a way that doesn’t put the blame on this friend even if the exact message might be a little untrue.

[Celoptra]

I been saying for last several weeks “You need to check back next week” or “two weeks from now” or in this case “check back on Wed” since we will know by then. Its does get tiring having to repeat the same thing. But I also know or at least I believe if I go once, I will have to go the next week and the next week until we have another lockdown.

I mean I don’t mind getting out of the house but since Jan the only “get out of the house” I been doing is going grocery stores on either Thursday or Friday every single week with my father. But since I still live with my parents don’t I have to obey what they want?

I haven’t seen (Friend) since Dec 18th. And some friends of her would want to see me again since I haven’t seen them since Dec 18th as well.

[Keniko_Dukas]

Okay, it sounds like you’re telling your friend to keep asking, then. If you don’t want them to ask, stop telling them to check again next week.

Also, as you are an adult you do not need to do what your parents want all the time. However I do know that you have issues that would make it harder to disobey them, because it would make your life more difficult. If your parents retaliate against you for wanting to do things they don’t approve of (as long as they are not illegal or dangerous, like doing drugs), such as by threatening to kick you out, then that is considered abusive behaviour.

[Celoptra]

Actually I do have to obey my parents its their house after all. And even though all three of us are tripled vaxed. The current variant is still a risk to all three of us. Since I’m comprised and since my Dad is into his 70s and Mom is in her late 60s. And the only way I would be able to get to the mall without my Dad is the bus. Which means have to wear clunky boots (aka “Franken” boots) the entire time I’m there. Which I hate wearing Frakenboots for longer then a 1 hour. My friend also wants a ride to the mall like my Dad did pre-Christmas.

Like every week or almost every week ask my Mom “can I go to the mall this week?” or “What should I say to Friend?” and this week Mom reply to me is “Dad and I have to talk it over before we make a decision” and that “talk” has to be today since (Friend) will be calling tomorrow to talk to Mom about me going

I’m mean I’m 32 but since I still live in my parents house I have to respect their decision, and if they’re still worried about Panni press (Viral Yuck)… I mean for instance in Ontario, the protection of people whom had their 2nd shots back in Dec is dropping. I mean that Covid is rising in them. Sorry it’s complicated to explain

[Keniko_Dukas]

You don’t have to obey everything your parents tell you just because you live in their house, no. I’m much younger than you but I am an adult and when I was living with my parents I chose what to do with my own time, had my own private space, could guarantee that my things weren’t touched without my permission, etc. You are an adult and - while I commend you for not wanting to go out during this pandemic! - you don’t have to ask your parents if you can go.

I assume the reason you have to wear the boots is the snow? Personally I don’t even own boots, I was going out with my sneakers, as long as it’s shovelled or packed down you should be fine. I also live in Canada so I understand how bad the weather can be.

But again, if you know you can’t go, I would recommend just telling the friend nicely that you won’t be able to go and it’s best if they stop asking every week.

[Celoptra]

I have my own personal space(s) for both my bedroom and the library (unless is laundry day). But I keep checking with my parents every week and they say “we have to see” or “tell her to check in two weeks” or “we have to see because of X or Y reason like more openings” I mean last week some restrictions were dropped in my province and today some more Covid restrictions were dropped and yet as I mentioned earlier, people whom had gotten their second dose of Vaxcine in Dec, I think Covid numbers are rising in them or in other words their protection is dropping.

IF I have to take the bus that would mean waiting for a long time at the bus stops for bus which means if it’s cold weather I have to wear my boots and If I’m going to be hanging around the mall for a couple of hours. I don’t want to be walking around in clunky boots from like 10:30am til like 3pm or later and that’s not counting walking to the bus stop and back home from the bus stop. Not to mention the particular bus I would need last time I checked had been very unreliable during this panni press.

And since It just would me myself going I wouldn’t be allowed to take the bundle buggy (a personal shopping cart). The having shoes in the bundle buggy is a method Mom and I have used for the mall or in other circumstances like the a museum in (provincial capital). It would be another thing if Dad was giving me and (friend) a ride to the mall like he did pre-Christmas.

It just all three of the family members are immunocompromised We already had one person (whom doesn’t live in the house full time) get sick from Covid. We don’t want anyone else in the family to get sick with Covid. Yes all three of us are tripled vaxed but still it doesn’t means safe even for us.

I’m might be an adult but I’m also special needs also. I look normal … so you wouldn’t really know unless I had a meltdown or lost my temper. I mean I would like to go but if my parents say no, I can’t go. But I just wish they would say yes once, but they keep telling me to tell her “check back in a week” or check back in two weeks" like I said earlier

I do have a plan B and that’s getting a fast-food on Thursday if Dad and I go shopping on Thursday. But that’s not the same thing as hanging out with friend(s) at the mall right. I haven’t been to the mall since Dec 18th.

These are the same parents whom in normal times wouldn’t even let me go into (Provincial capital) on my own. Not even if I made a detail itinerary heck, I made even TWO of them one would be if it was a “specialist day” in (provincial capital) and one was just a normal not specialist day. And I still wasn’t allowed to go. I mean like if I was to meet either of my friends whom lived in the areas of the city, my Mom said she would have to come with me into (city) and do her own thing when I was with whichever (friend) I was meeting.

I mean I understand about the (city) thing,… let’s just say the cops aren’t nasty to only non-white communities. They’re also nasty to disabled community members so they might be concerned about me having a meltdown in (city).

I’m just checked for this week the answer is still “no”. I mean I did complain I would like the answer to be “Yes” but my parents say “we would too, but we still hoping”

Well there’s still BK on Thursday.

[Keniko_Dukas]

I would suggest you buy your own personal shopping cart so you don’t need permission to bring it on the bus.

Regardless, I would still tell your friend to stop asking, and then instead when you know you can go to the mall you can invite them.

[Celoptra]

Except she only wants to go on Saturdays when (other friends are there) and she doesn’t really want to take the bus in winter. I mean before Christmas Dad been driving her and I to the mall.

I mean I know one of these weeks my parents might say yes. But its been over two months and my parents answer is still no? I mean all three of us “keep hoping” but every single week till two weeks the answer is always “no” and “no” I mean I’m do want to go but I don’t want to get sick either.

Yes I could technically buy own shopping cart but I wouldn’t be able to put it together because except for a red personal shopping cart which is long gone now- Dad has put together all of Mom’s personal shopping carts. And also after I was done at the mall, I would have no place to put the said shopping cart in the house there’s no room anywhere even if it was folded up. The house is full of crap-books and otherwise.

Also one of the parents Mom or Dad would need to do my hair if I was going to spending time around some of (Friend’s) friends. I can’t do it myself. So I can’t excatly go behind their backs especially when they’re in the house 24/7. Its one thing to have my hair messy if its just Dad and I going out to the grocery stores to get weekly not local food. But I don’t want my hair messy if I’m hanging out with Friend’s friends.

My dad whom had stein put in back in Nov. Every Tuesday a “trainer” calls to check on him and Dad was telling this story at supper tonight. That even though the trainer’s whole family is (supposedly) triple vaxed (her, her husband and their children) and sometime recently they spend time with some people whom apparently didn’t know had Covid for a few hours and the whole family got sick.

Mom says two more weeks and if stuff isn’t going more upwards or downwards then they can say “Yes”. But she been saying that since bloody January.

[Keniko_Dukas]

If there is literally no place to put a folded-up cart then it sounds like you need to be throwing things out to make space. If you do find space, there’s plenty of options that don’t require any assembly at all.

Instead of asking every week, could you maybe ask your parents what day they can bring you and set a date in the future?

[Celoptra]

1. Most of the stuff in the Front hall is my parents’ stuff and some of the parents’ stuff is from Mom’s parents which until last May, was in a warehouse of my Uncle’s. So I can’t get rid of any of it since

2. Not really because stuff can go up or down in the next two weeks. Like I said in my last post if despite the restrictions being dropped and numbers still go down I might be able to go to the mall that Saturday.

[Celoptra]

Just got the fucking news in the paper that the bacon town the mall is out that I want to hang out with some friends… Covid level is bacon increasing according to bacon sewage waste testing. Why couldn’t the parents have just let me risk Covid-19 current variant in the last 2 and a half months? I’m I know they’re trying to protect me ( I’m comprised) but it’s sucks being stuck with my parents all the time and only getting out of the town to go shopping once a bacon week with my father

And my bacon parents say “they keep hoping” that the levels will go down but they haven’t so far.

I guess one of the reasons I REALLY want to go is so I can experiment with drinks. Besides just hanging out with my friends. I tried Mountain Dew one of the last times (LAST YEAR) when i was there. And I know that another of the food court kiosk has Dr. Pepper and it’s the only place I know of which has Dr. Pepper and I don’t think there’s any brick and mortar locations for food court restaurant. And I don’t know of any fast-food locations in my area which has Dr. Pepper even in soda-fountain form or in bottle form. Dad says “I will probably not like it” but I need to decide for myself. I also would need to get something like coke or something to wash it down with as well if I don’t like it (as I had to buy Pepsi to “wash down” mountain dew. Now if I wanted to try rootbeer, I could just ask to buy (Canadian) A&W food. I know it wouldn’t be the same as other brands of root beer… but like I said but i need to “experiment” when I’m not with my parents and since I don’t drink booze, experimenting with pop is the closet I can get

Apparently the only place which has a small bottle of Dr. Pepper is 7-11 and they’re in two others towns but not MY town. In towns East and West of me. So a town Dad and I have to stop in to grocery shop or a town in the opposite direction which we only go for my ear appointments and stuff.

Just told Mom that maybe one of the reasons I want to go to the mall so badly is to “experiment” with drinks. And Mom’s solution is “when I’m out with Dad buy a can or (small) bottle of Dr. Pepper and the next time I go get fast-food with Dad I can drink it with that” But I would want to buy a combo for fast food because its “cheaper” then buying two individual items. And also I don’t want to have normal drink of either my normal water bottle drinks (drink mix in water) or one of my Friday pop stashes which i would just be having the next day anyway) to “wash down” Dr. Pepper if I didn’t like it like my parents think I will since they don’t like it. I would like to buy two small bottles one, which would be Dr. Pepper and the other would be a non-Dr. Pepper drink (don’t know what probably brand-name coke or Pepsi unlike my store-brand Pepsi knock off which I know is made my the same company). Or I buy a combo drink with my meal whatever that might be

It sounds just like her " solution" when I used to sneak Cola Cole drinks (and in one case Nachos) at bowling. Her “solution” was to have coke drinks in the house and “I can take it to bowling in my water bottle”. The only exception was when my sister whom was still living in the house gave me diet coke which she brought home (with what was my supper) from one of her “mystery shopping” trips (she was a mystery shopper) and we just transferred the drink into a my water bottle

I’m mean. Every one else is eating at bowling and you can’t spend some money on some food especially when you haven’t eaten since 4:30pm and you’re not getting home until 9pm (my ride home was the league’s sectary unless she was away) ?

[Keniko_Dukas]

If covid levels are going up it’s because people kept going to the mall while infected. Sounds like it was better for you to not go.

[Celoptra]

There are businesses around the mall which have nothing to do with the mall. Like there’s a Tim Hortons, KFC and a Subway across the street from the mall (probably because on weekends the mall close early), some Asian restaurants, an Asian supermarket, a couple of banks around the mall (Not IN the mall, but either on the side street across the street or literally across the street).

It just I been stuck online since Dec 18th with almost no contact with the “outside world” except a phone call from my friend whom keeps risking go to the mall every Saturday even though she’s elderly. And maybe every two weeks (its suppose to be every week but the folks are short-staff) with my case manager. i’m sick and tired of being stuck online for hours on end. Not counting when my sister’s boyfriend is here, he’s not my boyfriend he’s my sister’s boyfriend

Yeah I get my parents don’t want me to get “Long Covid” like my sister has. (Ie the after-effects of Covid). But I want to be able to hang out with friends I’m sick of only being able to get out to help Dad with a yawning chore of grocery shopping and there’s still no “end date” for that And the current version of Covid is about as contagious as measles and there’s 22,000 new cases a day

And there’s no fast-food Italian restaurants like Vanellis, only in Malls. I don’t like Mom’s solution of “buying Dr. Pepper when I’m out with Dad one week and the next time I want fast food I can buy two individual items and bring them home and I can drink Dr. pepper with it” but I would have to wash it down with my store-brand pop can drinks which I would just be having a half a can of the following day or my flavour mixes in a water bottle I haven’t had a break from either since Dec.

Not counting having pop and a frosty/shake from my two Fast-food trips in the last two months. from Wendy’s/Burger King. But when I have to go weeks with only my flavour drink mixes except on Fridays when i can have (half a can) of pop with my snack? Anyway would go nuts by now only seeing the four walls of the house, and four walls of four-six different grocery stores once a week? Even the stores have lost their ap-peal at the moment.

I mean I haven’t even gotten any presents for my parents for Easter and I had to give them “hugs” for Valentine’s day which isn’t the same thing as giving them something like chocolate for holidays (and grocery store/convince store chocolate isn’t the same thing as being able to get like Laura Secord from the mall)

I need to calm down, since tonight isn’t a night to have a nosebleed.

[Celoptra]

I’m tired of being stuck at home all the time and I haven’t been able to go to the mall since Dec. Yeah the numbers were going down in Jan/Feb. And also people wearing masks. Which stopped as of March 21st in my province. But my parents don’t want me to go someplace where I will have to take a mask off to eat/drink so both the Mall and Tim Hortons is out of the question. (There’s a difference in me going someplace and getting lunch and bringing it home since I’m not staying there and eating it)

and I want to get a “real deal Blizzard” but I’m stuck between getting an Oreo Blizzard or the Girl Guiding (or Girl Scouting) Cookie Blizzard which is back from last May

woohooI I’m saved. lucky a “BOGO” Blizzard coupon from DQ came in the mail today. so it means I can have half of both and share the other half with my parents.