An adult woman and her elderly mother are browsing some books. The woman picks up a sci-fi novel.

Mother: “Why do you even bother with those?! They’re so unrealistic!”

Woman: “And yet I see you’ve grabbed yet another romance novel. The last one had the protagonist get trapped in her snowed-in hometown and then fall in love with her childhood friend, who she hated, who turns out to be a billionaire and a prince, correct?”

Mother: “Hmph! Still more realistic than your fantasy mumbo-jumbo!”

Me: “Didn’t the billionaire in the book before that one also turn out to be a werewolf with a medical degree?”

She shut up.

I am serving a customer when another customer hurries over to me after looking at the educational posters we have for sale.

Interrupting Customer: “I have to say, I’m impressed that you’ve got both the globe earth and also a flat earth represented. It’s nice to finally see a store catering to original Christians these days.”

Me: “Sir, those aren’t flat earths; they’re just maps.”

Interrupting Customer: “It is a representation of the earth, correctly as flat, just like it says in the Bible!”

Original Customer: “I don’t think the Bible says the earth is flat.”

Interrupting Customer: “Well, it doesn’t say it’s a globe, either!”

Original Customer: “It’s also got talking snakes and angels made of rings with eyes, but you do you…”

Interrupting Customer: “I feel sorry for you people trapped in the globe cult.” *Wanders off*

Original Customer: “Please tell me he’s not a regular.”

Me: “Okay, I won’t tell you.”

Original Customer: “You poor… poor, man.”

I’m on lunch from my shift at the grocery store, and I go across the street to the coffee shop to get some much-needed coffee and a snack. I’m standing in line, and the woman in front of me notices my uniform.

Customer: “Oh, you work at [Store]. I was just there; it’s so busy!”

Me: “Yeah, everyone’s buying last-minute items for Mother’s Day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m glad you’re getting a break from it all!” 

Me: “That’s an interesting pastry you’re getting.”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I love it. Have you never had it before?” 

Me: “Oh, well, I don’t normally come here, but I’m working a double today, so I thought I’d get myself a treat.”

Instead of getting three of the pastries (for herself, her partner, and their kid), she buys four. I don’t think much of this as I zone out a little and check all the text messages that came my way while I was on my shift. As I’m about to order my coffee, the woman hands me the fourth pastry.

Customer: “You’re doing a great job, and I wish you the best for the rest of your shift!”

Before I could process what had happened, she darted off toward the exit and left with her partner and kid. I weakly shouted out a thank-you before I realized there was a $10 bill on the counter that the barista said had been left for me to order whatever drink I wanted.

That was the nicest thing a customer has ever done for me, and she wasn’t even my customer!

It is that time politically when Bernie Sanders is getting a bit of media attention. The TV in our store that usually shows deals and sale items is broken, and I am trying to fix it. My troubleshooting brings me to test a new channel, where Bernie and his political policies are being listed.

As I am doing so, a woman and her young son are passing by.

Customer: “No, you don’t! You don’t put any of that socialist s*** in this store when people are shopping!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to fix the TV. I’m not watching the news.”

Customer: “Uh-huh… So, you just happened to turn the TV over to Bernie as I just happened to be walking past, did you?“

Me: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “Does your manager know that you’re doing political canvassing in the store when you should be working?”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I’m not. I’m just trying to fix this TV.”

This woman has raised her voice enough that another customer, an older woman, comes over to ask what’s going on. (I think she was worried about me.) The customer assumes this woman is a manager and explains — and embellishes.

Customer: “…so, does your store make a point to hire socialists?”

Woman: *Leaning into the role* “Well, considering this a store selling items for a profit, that would make it capitalist, wouldn’t it?”

Customer: *Looking at me again* “There should be laws against people like you. When we win, we’ll undo all those laws you people made.”

Woman: “Oh, like child labor laws? I know, so anti-capitalist. When can your son start working here? He’d fit right in at the warehouse at the back…”

Customer: “He’s ten!“

Woman: “Old enough to work, and yet you’re keeping him in school?! How socialist!”

Customer: “That’s… not… I’m going to complain to corporate about you!”

She storms off, and the woman asks me if I am okay.

Me: “Oh, that’s nothing new when working in retail during election season. I would advise you not to pretend to be a manager, though; it might cause an issue later on.”

Woman: “I know, hun, but I never once said I was a manager.”

Me: “You know what? You didn’t! Have a nice day!”

Woman: “You, too!”

Related:
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 7
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 6
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 5
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 4
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3

CONTENT WARNING: Violence (Threats, Suggestion Of Sexual Assault)

It is currently hot as balls in our state, so even with the AC on, we are all very uncomfortable at the checkout lane near the constantly opening doors. Since we’re a small store and don’t have a set uniform (we can wear any top as long as it’s black), I am currently wearing a sleeveless top.

An older man in my checkout lane seems to not be too impressed that I — a young woman — wish to be comfortable for my own benefit.

Customer: “Typical. All you girls say you don’t want any of this attention, but I see you go out wearing all these tiny and tight outfits, showing off as much skin as possible.”

Me: “Sir, it may be hard for you to believe, but I wear what I wear for my benefit, not yours.”

Customer: “Always the same defense, but the truth is that you have a choice to dress revealingly or not, and every time you choose to, you’re asking for it. You girls really are asking for it.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, do you want me to hold your items while you run back to our auto section to get a bike helmet or some protective headgear?”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! I don’t need one of those!”

Me: “Oh, I just assumed since you’re not wearing protective headgear, you’re basically asking me to smash your head in with a hammer? I mean, you’re not wearing one, so you must be asking for it, right?”

Customer: “That’s… that’s…”

Me: *To my coworker in the next aisle* “Hey, do you have a hammer I could borrow? I promise to be real quick.”

Customer: “That is not what I meant, and you—”

Me: *Fake speaking into my walkie-talkie* “Security to checkout, security to checkout. Oh… and bring a hammer.”

Customer: “Dumb f****** sl*t!”

He stormed off, leaving behind his shopping.