Should I stay on the togetherall site?

I’m been made fun of on Togetherall (Formally Big White Wall). I joined what was then Togetherall in March 2020 and I been posting complaints about my parents or my sister since March 2020. But even since late sept 2020 people have made fun of me on the site and yet that isn’t suppose to happen. That the house rules are something like " be kind to each other". I constantly have to tell the Wall guide to remind people of the rules on my threads or to remove stuff

Most of them (well one person) were just telling me to “grow up” or "to sneak behind my parents’ back to go to the mall’ (pre-Nov of last year) but when I do stuff like that it makes me feel guilty like I felt guilty getting a lot of crap food in May 2021 until I confessed to Mom (Rice cakes, brand Crispers, and brownies). And some people were saying last summer when I was getting anxious about money for the gaming computer from Passport funding that “I was using tax-payers money” for the now new gaming computer.

I made a thread on Saturday evening on Togetherall’s site because I was getting annoyed that my parents’ and my supper which was already MADE (deviled eggs and potato salad) but not served up yet was delayed for awhile because of my sister calling to complain about her and her boyfriend’s problems with boyfriend’s soon-to-be ex-wife. And my sister can talk for AGES on the phone. Like if she calls us at noon she can be on the phone until 2:30pm or later. Some people obviously didn’t read my OP on that thread and one person told me “Poor you go make your own supper”* but the supper was already was MADE but not served up so that would be waste of a supper.

What’s even worse is that BECAUSE my sister called to complain the ENTIRE supper meal was about “Sis/sis’s boyfriend problem this, sis/sis’s boyfriend problem that” and we couldn’t talk about ANYTHING else like the bacon news?! and my parents said “no” The parents HAD to talk about my sister’s/boyfriend’s problems during the entire meal “While it was fresh in their heads” (um it would STILL be fresh in their heads by the time the meal was over- it only takes us 10-15 mins at the most to eat deviled eggs and potato salad). My own options were: 1)Listen to my parents talk through the entire meal, 2)eat in the family room by myself with a crappy TV table, 3) wait till the parents finish the supper and eat by myself in the dinning room, 4) or never eat with them again for supper and yet we’re suppose to eat supper as a FAMILY.

*the Wall Guide removed the nasty/hurtful comment from my thread

It seems that a lot (not all) of your posts are less about what you should do, and more about looking for affirmation that you are right. So…

You should absolutely quit that site. Say goodbye to it forever. Delete your account.

When you read that, did you think i was right? If so, then yes, you should quit that site. If you didn’t, and were contemplating writing a paragraph or two about why I’m wrong, then you probably don’t want to quit. In which case, don’t.

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great thanks to my sister calling again TODAY about MORE problems. I’m going to have to have another bacon supper meal which my parents will ONLY be talking about my sister’s problem and not talking about the news (not that they been able to hear much news because of my sister’s calling) while its “Still fresh in their heads” as they said SATURDAY night. :rage: The supper is mostly on the table- Ham slices are on the table, salad is on the table, the mustard jars are on the table pickles&olives are on the table. The only thing not on the table is whatever is the oven and the drinks I have to pour.

Edit: And we HAVE to eat together as a family if we aren’t doing THIS method of supper: “Fending for ourselves” and since we NEVER know when my sister might call…and she can have the parents be on the phone to 8pm or later.

I think you need a blog, because you’re not asking for help you’re just venting. In your blog, you can disable comments so people won’t tell you the really simple way that you could fix your problem, and cause you to get upset, you can just vent to the void and never change you situation. It would be the ideal solution for you.

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Well you would be upset that at the LAST supper meal (on Saturday) you had after your older sister called. You asked if the parents could talk about ANYTHING else and they said "No they can’t they wanted to talk about sis/sis boyfriend’s problem while it was fresh in their heads" not even save it for after supper when you didn’t have to hear it and your older sister calls again two days later (today) just before supper and you know that means you have to LISTEN to another round of “my sister’s problem this/ her boyfriend’s problem that” during the meal whenever we get to eat and knowing my sister she probably wouldn’t let the parents off the phone until 9pm or later because she’s that annoying and I don’t want to go through ANOTHER supper meal of this or that problem. and I know the parents will refuse to talk about anything else like “what did they read in the paper today” (I would ask about TV news but sis being hogging them on the phone since 5:55 and it’s after 7pm so they probably didn’t get to watch much TV news)

With as much as you complain about things, I’m not really sure you should fault your sister for wanting to complain about her and her boyfriend’s problems.

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but most of my sister’s or her boyfriend’s problems are about his soon to be abusive ex-wife and ex-wife’s friends whom believed in ex-wife’s lies ( the ex-wife once recently ran into a door to give herself a black eye to claim that boyfriend hit her and another time she claimed that boyfriend was threating her with firearms when he was asleep in bed in reality and the police took one of his firearms thanks to ex-wife’s lies) Or now there’s another woman whom was friends with ex-wife but believed (boyfriend) rather then the lies of the ex-wife and the two (boyfriend and friend) hang out alot. Like sometime recently that boyfriend was suppose to meet up with friend and friend was a no-show, so boyfriend called my sister and she got a nice dinner at a restaurant. And I guess on Saturday(?) this same friend was there when my sister showed up after ex-wife and other friends trashed the place accidently while moving out everything and I mean EVERYTHING which didn’t even belong to her.

It was only a big deal on Saturday because I had listened into large chunks of conversation via the phone intercom and I didn’t need a rehash of it at the suppertime. Since I didn’t do that today… it wasn’t just a big deal but I still didn’t like the fact that Dad spend the entire meal talking about my sister’s problems/her boyfriend’s problems. And it’s not like I could go to another room to eat because that’s rude we’re suppose to eat as a family especially Mom’s meals. Its not like I could make my own meal when the meal was already made- I could only do that if she was calling at 4:30 and we know she will spend an hour on the phone.

But I don’t want to hear every little detail of my sister’s problems at supper time after she calls (and I don’t really care if at the time she’s driving to the said boyfriend’s place which the ex-wife and ex-wife’s friends basically trashed on Saturday morning and the house is suppose to go up for sale in May).

getting back to the topic of this thread. I just wish people wouldn’t make fun of me on Togetherall site saying stuff like “Poor you go make your own supper” or to tell me to go behind my parents’ back. I do want to stay on the site but with comments like that (which get removed if I inform the Wall Guide) I want to leave the site but other sites like 7cups are even more useless then Togetherall is. Like If I want to complain about my problem on 7cups in a support group chat I can only spend 5mins talking. And if I try “Free Listener” I’m lucky if I get one which responds. (the other option isn’t avaible for me chat to a therapist because that means $$$)

Like I tried a third site called “Chat to a Potato” and the first person I talked too kept repeating over and over again to “move out of the house” despite me saying that’s not an option for me or “you need to be your own person”. And the 2nd person hasn’t responded in a long time to any of my conversations.

It’s not about whether it was annoying to listen to your parents talk about something they care about, it’s not about whether your parents had already made supper, it’s not about any part of that particular situation. The people on togetherall and the people on this site routinely give you good, useful, easy to act on advice on how to improve your situation and you find a reason to get angry about that and refuse to listen to the advice.

If your parents are going to be late with dinner and you’re hungry, it’s a good option to make your own (or pull your portion out of the fridge in this particular case.) If your parents want to talk about something that you’re not interested in talking about, you can always go eat in another room.

I get it, your routine is important to you but if you ever want to move out or get more respect from your parents or your sister or just people in general you’re going to have to learn to adjust your routine to the situation and to take more responsibility for yourself and your happiness and not just complain until you find someone willing to lie to you and say that you’re right about everything.

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the supper isn’t and wasn’t IN the fridge its was literally ON the counter or on the table (except for one dish tonight). Saturday’s food was literally sitting on the counter getting warmer (it was cold food- deviled eggs and potato salad) and the only person allowed to serve out the food is mom especially the potato salad. The only thing I know is to “Take four deviled eggs” and tonight Mom was working on supper when my sister called (and then talked for an hour on the phone) and it was ham slices, Wardolf salad and rice casserole. The rice casserole was in the oven and then Mom put it in the microwave). So do to the rice casserole like the potato salad- I wouldn’t be allowed to serve myself because I don’t want to over do it because I don’t know how much to serve myself with a rice casserole dish since the salad/rice casserole. Since I know I can over do “Serving myself” it’s why Mom makes sure when we have dressing on the table for “Turkey holidays” that when we get very low Mom serves up the last of the dressing herself instead of having Dad and I fight over it.

Like the last two times I want to tell sis on the phone to “F***K off the phone because she’s delaying our supper” but I don’t want to have a bad relationship with her since I already have a tough relationship with her and at some point (maybe in early June) I’m suppose to go to a movie and restaurant with her and the (boyfriend) it was suppose to be last weekend but that got canceled due to my sister being sick and her boyfriend having the flu.

And as I already said we’re suppose to have supper as a family and I HATE eating by myself unless its my main course for lunch- I get too lonely but I also don’t want to have to listen to EVERY SINGLE PROBLEMabout my sister’s problems or her boyfriend’s problems (and her boyfriends’ problems are mostly about abusive ex-wife whom told a million lies about him like I said before this abusive ex-wife ran into a DOOR to give herself a black eye just to claim that boyfriend hit her and other bullshit lies like that ) during the same meal. -

I mean couldn’t the parents save the 'talking about my sister’s problems/her boyfriend’s problems" until AFTER supper but NO as they said to me on bacon SATURDAY they wanted to “talk about it when it was still fresh in their minds”

I had to sit through TWO meals in less then 2 days of the parents rehashing whatever the bacon problems of my sister’s and/or her boyfriend’s.

Since she called on Saturday (And it was worse on Saturday because she called just as I was going downstairs to pour drinks so that night even our DRINKS were getting warm to the point I had to put the drinks back in the fridge and have to repour then after sis hanged up and I also listened to a bunch of it on the phone waiting for her to finally hang up so the family could fucking eat but it was during the eating part I had to listen to a rehash of x & y which i already heard a bit of) and she called again today.

And even when she doesn’t call at supper time. The parents especially Dad HAS to update me on "my sister problem this or my sister’s problem that or her boyfriend problem this/her boyfriend’s problem that " I don’t really care to even hear about my sister’s problems

I rather that we talked about ANYTHING else like I don’t know the NEWS during supper meal after she calls (not that they were able to listen much to TV news tonight thanks to HER calling) and yes I understand that the parents “Can’t talk with each other” while they’re on the phone. But do I have to hear through the entire meal ONLY about my sister’s problems? I can’t bring up two cups -1 glass, one mug a bowl of salad and 1 plate up here to the library I can only have one drink up here at a time. Not to mention that for tonight’s supper, the ham slices were on the table and we’re doing the “boarding house reach” to get the ham on the table.

I’m not going to talk about this specific situation, because it doesn’t matter. The problem is not that you can’t deal with this specific situation, it’s that you’re incapable of allowing anyone else to deviate from the way that you have decided is correct and incapable of acting in a way to minimize the disruption that others actions cause to your routine. So you go and vent online about it, but because you don’t want to actually act any differently or make things better, you get upset when people tell you how to make things better because that would require effort.

I get it, change is hard and you don’t want to make things worse by doing things that you don’t know the results of but things can’t get better by you just continuing to act like the spoiled child that you normally act like. Try to act more like an adult and maybe people will start treating you like one.

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YOU WOULD BE ANNOYED TOO IF TWO SUPPERS IN LESS THEN 2 DAYS YOU HAD TO LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER’S AND HER BOYFRIEND’S PROBELMS WHEN YOU WANT THE PARENTS TO DISCUSS ANYTHING OTHER THEN THEIR PROBLEMS LIKE THE NEWS DURING THE SUPPER AND TONIGHT MOM SAID "THEY WOULDN’T TRY TO TALK TO MUCH ABOUT SIS’S PROBLEM AND GUESS WHAT? THAT’S EXCATLY WHAT DAD DID!! .

ALSO WE’RE SUPPOSE TO HAVE SUPPER AS FAMILY BUT AT THE SAME F*** TIME i DON’T WANT TO HEAR EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM WITH MY SISTER AND HER BOYFRIEND’S PROBLEMS… THEY CAN DISCUSS IT AFTER SUPPER WHEN I’M NOT AROUND NOT WHEN I AM AROUND.

I can just tell them if sis calls around supper time on Wedenday or Thursday I’m eating by myself because I I wouldn’t want a third meal having to listen again to my sister’s/boyfriend’s problems.

You can be annoyed, but you should also try to be understanding. Your parents love your sister and want to talk about her and talk to her. And they’re allowed to have things that they want to talk about as much as you are allowed to have things that you don’t want to talk about. If they want to talk about things that you don’t want to talk about, the adult response is to either deal with it and be polite or to leave the room. You refuse to do either. I don’t know what else to tell you, you want us to just agree with you but none of us do. You won’t listen to advice, you just yell at the people giving it. Create a blog and ban comments, it would be as productive as you posting all of these threads around the internet and it would annoy you less.

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Celoptra, I’ll be honest. I find it funny that you complain about being forced to listen to your parents talk about your sisters problems while you fill up the forums with complaints about this and that in your own life. You are doing the same thing to us that your parents are doing to you. The only difference is that on here people can block you.

And don’t even bring up @RebeccaBlue complaining. She keeps her discussions and complaints to maybe two threads whereas you started this thread about a website and problems you’re having on that and then it devolved into another problem with your family.

I saw that you got upset about someone pinging your can’t deal with my bacon parents thread and told people to leave it alone for a week. That doesn’t mean you should start another thread that people mistakenly believe is about a different topic and then suddenly becomes another Woe is me thread about your family.

I apologize for being so blunt but pretty soon you won’t have anyone reading or replying to you because we don’t appreciate being yelled at, which you have done again. People are going to start blocking you because to be honest this is way above our pay grade. We’re here to have fun not to be psychologists.

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I’m going to give you an analogy, @Celoptra. I ask that when you read this, you remember that analogies are never exactly like the situation. No matter how many similarities there are between Situation X and Analogy Y, there will always be differences, and pointing out the differences is pointless: the only thing that will be exactly like Situation X will be Situation X. Analogies become useful when we look at what the similarities are, and try and learn from it.

Analysing the analogy objectively will also allow us to determine if the analogy is a good one. Just because it is on the internet doesn’t make it right, but similarly, just because it is on the internet doesn’t automatically make it wrong. So with that in mind, here it is.

One day, 100 people drove into work, and when they got in they complained about the one man who drove the wrong way. On that same day, 1 person drove into work, and complained about 100 people who were driving the wrong way . No matter what anyone tried to tell him, he insisted the other 100 people were in the wrong.

Who do you think, in the analogy, is most likely to need to change what they do next time?

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  1. Your parents should allow you to serve yourself if they’re taking a long time
  2. You should be capable of serving yourself and standing up for yourself if they don’t like it
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I think something that gets lost in these posts is scale. To talk about this situation lets break down what was going on.

Your sister - is dealing with alot of things related to an abusive ex-wife and potential legal ramifications of false accusations.

You - had to wait awhile for someone to serve you eggs.

If you cant see how one of those problems is significantly bigger than the other then that shows a lack of empathy bordering on narcissism.

I think that is a big part of the reason you dont get the responses that you want on these forums is a misunderstanding of scale. Because honestly if the biggest problem in my life was having to wait a while for dinner Id be over the moon. There are people on these forums and everywhere dealing with major things and when there are so many posts venting about things that are major to you but seem like very minor daily things to others I dont think you are going to get the responses you want.

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Good analogy. This reminds me of the time I was talking to my cousin (who recently died) and we exchanged pleasantries. She asked me how I was doing and it turned out that I had a cold. I felt so guilty about complaining about a simple cold when she had cancer.

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There are so many little petty complaints I could post, and just don’t. I think it’s fair to say that’s true for most of us on here. I don’t get how you have the confidence to complain online about something as minor as your dinner being a bit late, especially when it’s because of all the major things your sister is dealing with.

I don’t think I could spam the forums as much as you do. Even in my own thread, sometimes I get worried when I update it because I’m just complaining again and everyone complains about Celoptra’s complaining all the time. Even talking to my middle sister makes me feel like I’m imposing now that I know everything she’s been through and is still going through.

I don’t think that you mean to be selfish, but you are. It seems like you think your way is the only right way and you’d prefer the world to change the laws of physics if that was mildly inconviniencing you. You seem to want us to give you the magic spell that gets your parents to do exactly what you want without you having to lift a finger. Here’s a bit of advice my therapist gave to me: “You can’t change your dad’s behaviour. You can only change yourself.”

An addendum to that: We also can’t change your dad’s behaviour, and we can’t make you change either.

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I don’t know that selfish is the right word. You are allowed to be unhappy, even if others have worse situations. Otherwise, only the most miserable person on the planet would be allowed to actually feel miserable or say how they feel. (At the same time, you have to be careful who you complain to, and when, which is the basis for a bunch of NAR stories about people saying the wrong thing to the wrong person or at the wrong time.)

I know you like your sister, and probably feel unhappy because things are rough for her right now. At the same time, your going without supper for a couple hours will not help her situation. Your parents can talk to her and make her feel a bit better, but there isn’t much you can do to help her.

Sometimes situations just are unpleasant for everyone, and you are forced to accept that unpleasantness for a while. This had happened a few times, so you can check with your folks (if you haven’t already) if it’s okay with them for you to start eating during one of these phone calls. What isn’t going to happen, though, is that your folks are going to hang up on your sister, or that you will have a nice, normal supper right after one of these calls. This is just a fact that you need to try to get used to.

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I didn’t mean to turn this into another thread about my parents. It got a bit sidetracked by accident. It just I got really upset last night when I saw my sister had called right around the time Mom was making supper since after Saturday’s experience I know that I would be stuck with another “only thing parents can discuss at supper is my sister’s problems” and it was made worse last night due to the fact that my Mom said “they wouldn’t talk about my sister’s problems too much” but that’s excatly what happened.

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