I work in a small office with people who are generally lovely, but one of whom just irritates me.
Today, she came in for a meeting with a bunch of snacks, and left cookies on the desk for those not in the meeting. I used to be morbidly obese, and am now a mostly normal weight but suffer from binge eating / food addiction that I cannot get help with (due to being normal weight, sigh). My colleague did not know this.
Come midday, nobody had touched her cookies so she came to our bank of desks to open them for us herself.
Me: But it’s lunchtime!
Colleague: Then you can have a cookie with your healthy sandwich!
Colleague: (Offers cookies to other colleagues, who take one each)
Me: No, thankyou.
Colleague: Go on. I’ll leave them here. You know you won’t be able to stop thinking about them. You’ll just hear them calling for you all afternoon.
Me: I have an eating disorder. Please stop.
At this point she switched to being very apologetic and contrite and asked if she should take the cookies away altogether (I said they were OK on the desk, just please don’t push them at me)
On the one hand, she didn’t know I have issues with food, and I feel I kind of escalated fast. On the other hand, she seemed to be weirdly invested in people eating the cookies.
I can sort of understand both sides here.
Your colleague was trying to do something nice - as you said, she didn’t know about your ED - but she should have taken “No” for an answer first time round.
On the other hand, I can see why you were short with her. You’ve already got a bit of a battle going on, so you don’t need someone trying to force you into something that will make it harder.
I think the fact that she was trying to pressure you makes it an NTA here. She did try to make amends though by offering to take the cookies away - but that was after you’d had to disclose about your ED.
It makes me wonder if she’d have reacted the same if you had other dietary requirements that meant you couldn’t eat them, though.
IMO you weren’t being unreasonable. If she’d taken no for an answer you wouldn’t have snapped the way you did. NTA
I understand both sides, sometimes people decline things like this out of modesty, and I’m sure she just wanted you feel comfortable taking a cookie. It doesn’t sound like bad will from her side and she was apologetic about it.
Mostly this sentence bothers me. Offering, and even offering twice, is okay. But as long as you don’t know each other well enough about eating patterns, this was a little overboard.
As for your reply, as I read it, it wasn’t snappy, but that may depend on tone of voice. I’d say it’s clear and what was needed in that moment.
Definitely NTA for you. A little bit unwise of your colleague (she probably had the best of intentions)
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