AIBU for hating that I have to help my sister?

Honestly at this point there isn’t much extra that I’m doing for her that I wouldn’t have to do for a non-disabled sister. So there isn’t much respite that could be done.

She’s got a surgery next month, fingers crossed everything goes well and this is the last one. But dad has arranged for his girlfriend to drop her off there and is getting my other sister to pick her up, so I don’t have to help with that.

At the moment I’m more trying to convince myself that she’s not moving with me when I manage to move out, even if it feels like I’m abandoning her by not taking her with me.

So… you had an argument with your Dad because you thought he expected you to do all the work of the appeal, and he said that wasn’t true at all.

Except, he actually did force you to make the appeal, didn’t he?

So your Dad is a gaslighting piece of work, and you’re definitely NTA for correctly accusing him of what he actually did proceed to do.


Technically I could have chosen not to do the appeal at all. Just like I could technically buy food only for myself when I go shopping but she needs to eat so I choose get stuff she’ll eat. So technically I wasn’t forced to do anything, but I was forcing myself because not doing the thing is g an option for me.

In the end my aunt ended up helping my sister with it, not me. So I didn’t get forced to help her even though my dad didn’t. Though I did send my aunt pictures of the form but that really isn’t much. Actually, we should be getting their response soon so I guess we’ll see how it went.

I’m sorry if I’m speaking out of turn but are you familiar with the term, ‘parentification’? Your stories seem to suggest that this has been happening to you for a while e.g. it shouldn’t be YOUR job to make sure that your sister is fed and you shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing it because your dad should really be the one dealing with all of this.


Well he’s going to have to figure out how to feed her this week. I’m at my aunt’s and I “forgot” to buy food for them before I left.

By “forgot” I mean I kept remembering it would need done at awkward times and putting it off then genuinely forgetting when I was able to sort things.

I suspect middle sister will be expected to put the order through and I may come home to a lecture on how irresponsible I am, though that depends on if he even notices. We’ll see.