So this happened last year or the year before. I don’t remember. Anyway I was at my parents house and I was waiting on my two friends to come and pick me up to go to a third friend’s house. They were leaving from someplace around ten minutes away. Anyway I get the call that they’re leaving and I gather up my stuff so I’m ready when they get here. Then my mom and I wait and wait and wait and wait. It’s at least a half an hour or longer - I don’t remember exactly. At this point I’m texting my one friend who isn’t driving to find out where they were and no one responds. I’m panicking because I think they’re in an accident.
Finally probably close to 45 minutes after they say they’re leaving they pull up. My mom is very annoyed and so am I but she’s more vocal about it.
It turns out they spilled the birdseed while dropping off the cockatiel at my friends mothers house as they were leaving. No one bothered to let me know so I assumed the worst. And then my friends got upset that we were upset.
Were we unreasonable?
I should mention that my friend with the cockatiel has a history of being late due to her ADD though she has improved greatly on this.
Given the distance they were from you and the length of time it took to respond, no, not unreasonable.
Maybe they thought it wouldn’t take very long to clean up and forgot to text you.
Thanks. When I was reading the thread about excuses and autism I thought of this story because my one friend has ADD and she used to use that a lot as an excuse for why she was late. She’s gotten much better about that though.
Eh Im kinda in the middle on this one.
On one had if I have plans with someone and they are a half hour late then I would expect there to be a reason for the delay. Being annoyed by that isnt unreasonable.
On the other hand they seen to have had a legitamate reason and my opinion is that jumping straight to an accident is a bit pessimistic. Personally once given the reason for the delay I wouldnt have been that annoyed. Assuming of course this was a social get together and not some time sensitive situation with a hard deadline.
It would have been nice for them to communicate real time that a delay happened but I dont view it as particularly egregious that they were more focused on solving the problem than communicating the problem.
I think the issue is that my one friend was notorious for being late. Another time years ago she told me she wad taking a half a day. We had plans. So obviously my mom and I didn’t do anything so that when she said she was on her way I wouldn’t hold her up. I kept in touch with her and she kept saying she was wrapping things up. She ended up working until 5 pm. It turns out she never arranged with her boss that she was only working half a day like she said. And my other friend kept wondering where we were because she told us she was only working half a day. All she had to say was hey I couldn’t take off like planned and if would have been fine.
Just like all they had to do was say hey we didn’t leave when expected so it will be a bit longer.
With some people I know are going to be late as a rule I just plan around it - but a head’s up is always nice.
I have to say she’s gotten much better.
Habitual lateness really annoys me but my therapist encouraged me to consider whether I am disproportionately annoyed by it. If this friend is generally a poor time keeper then I’d be less inclined to jump to nightmare scenarios about what may have happened to them but I’d definitely still be irked by waiting that long with no update or explanation.
Absolutely. I mean I know unforeseen circumstances happen like spilling birdseed. No problem. Just let me know.