WIBU for being upset about the way I found out?

So this happened around 7 years ago. My grandmother was dying. We all knew it and I carried my phone around with me and even kept it with me at the dinner table. My heart stopped anytime I saw it was my parents number calling. But still she hung on. My parents were in Florida at the time because they’d planned to go for a month and we didn’t know when she’d die.

Anyway one Sunday morning I woke up and my cousin was on Facebook messenger so I sent him a message and he said something about it being a sad day for our family but a great day for Heaven (my family is Christian). That’s how I found out that my grandmother died.

I was so upset first that she died but we knew it was coming. But also I carried my phone with me all that time waiting for the call and I find out on Facebook messenger!

My mom eventually did EMAIL my brother and I and her sisters I think (it was my dad’s mother who died). I know they had to make arrangements to get home (were in Pennsylvania) and they called my aunt (moms twin sister) because they went to the same church. But my gosh it was a horrible way to find out. I never told my parents that I was upset.

Was I being unreasonable?


How did your cousin find out first?

Ah, just noticed that hidden in the second to last paragraph. Given that, I think it was a bad move on your parents’ part to call for arrangements to get home and not spread the word. Maybe understandable since they just lost someone, but still a bit unkind to people who were waiting for the news.


Im assuming that my aunt whose house my grandmother lived at (my dads youngest brother) called the three other brothers. So that’s how my cousin found out.

I can understand your aunt not calling you if she assumed (or your parents told her) that your parents would be telling you. But I do think it’s unkind to wait on telling you. Once it becomes a waiting game, there’s only one way to end it, and that’s with the news. Prolonging the news is just delaying the beginning of healing.

I do understand if they were too wrapped up in their own grief to tell anyone, but they went to your aunt. Given that, it sounds like they could have told you, but didn’t. So I would say it does sound like they waited on purpose. Maybe they didn’t (maybe they got distracted by paperwork or something?) but it is perfectly reasonable to be upset if you feel like they deliberately didn’t tell you and did tell everyone else.


Thanks. I was really close to my grandmother and she honestly thought I hung the moon. Lol I’ve got really great parents don’t get me wrong. This was one of the very few times I wasn’t happy with them in 49 years of being their daughter.

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An email does seem strangely impersonal. I would have been upset too.


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