What could I tell people to say for those people who say "the right guy is coming for you?"

Anyone have any idea of what I could tell people who tell me “the right guy is coming for me”? Which I consider 1)really unhelpful and 2)it’s false sympathy. Since I feel like I have 13 years of catching up too (very first, kiss, and very first date, etc). And I have no idea what to tell those people. All I can do at the moment is to tell them off for saying that or the other unhelpful thing of “keep praying to God”,

I literally don’t know what to tell them to say but not either of those things. And my normal activities were not options even before Covid: church/bowling-too old, and the day-program there was rule we couldn’t date.

And I have tried dating sites-didn’t work out for me the first and last one was due to them updating it to requiring one to have a text-messaging to 'chat" with a potential mate. The other dating sites require one to have recent pictures (not more then 2 years) but i don’t have any pictures more then 2 years old or don’t have other people in it. So they deleted the photos.

So anyone have any ideas of what i could ask them to say instead of one of those two unhelpful things?

That depends on what you want to get out of the conversation. When the subject comes up, do you want them to acknowledge your feelings or do you want real advice?

If you want acknowledgement, then they could say something like, “yeah, that sucks”, or your preferred sentence of commiseration, and then move on. So in that case, the conversation would go something like this:
“I feel lonely and wish I had a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, that sucks. [brief pause of commiseration] Have you seen this Sims mod?”

If that’s what you want, then you could tell your friends/family this: “When I get on the subject of finding someone to date, I just want to vent and have my feelings acknowledged. I’d prefer hearing you say something like [preferred sentiment of commiseration] and then moving on from the subject.”
Or adjust it as necessary.

Getting helpful advice may be trickier. In order to give good advice, someone needs to have good advice to begin with. In this case, your friends and family might not have any. If they were lucky enough to have the “sit back and wait” advice work for them, then they’ve never been in your position so they can’t give you anything. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right person (just as there’s nothing wrong with being proactive about finding a partner), but it is really frustrating to have someone succeed on a course that’s not working for you and then all they say is “just do what I did!”
“I am doing what you did and it’s not working for me.”
“Well, try harder!”

In that case, if you want advice, then you need to find someone else. You could write a letter to an advice columnist. Though keep in mind that if your letter is too similar to other letters they receive, they might not publish/answer it. You can go through their archives for dating advice, though. I like Captain Awkward for that: the site’s been running since 2010, so there’s plenty to go through. She has lots of general advice which is very intersectional, and there’s plenty in the archives about dating and about interacting with people in general. https://captainawkward.com/

Otherwise, you could branch out and meet new people. I mean, with dating, you’re already looking to meet at least one new person, so why not more? The more people you meet, the more likely it is you’ll meet someone who can advise you, or be a potential partner, or know someone who you could date. And, of course, having more friends is a requirement for leveling up in charisma (until TS4). :wink:
I know it’s kinda hard to meet new people while we’re in the middle of a plague. There is Nextdoor, which does have its issues (mainly, people being jerks on it), but it allows you to connect with other users specifically in your area. https://nextdoor.com/
Or you could start branching out with the people you already know. If you ask the people in your church or bowling team for help meeting new people (not just potential partners, but people in general), they might be able to find someone for you who can give you advice or who’ll end up being a friend or partner.

In the meantime, if you’re looking for advice and your friends/family don’t have anything helpful, you could go back to the first option and ask them to just let you vent. That way, you get your frustration heard and they don’t give you the same old tired advice.


its not people in “person” who give me this crap. It’s people online when I try to vent about my want for a partner who say the crap. And 1)bowling cancelled for this year again, and 2)church doesn’t start in-person until later this month (actually on the 12th). My friends are all married now and 4 of my school friends (1 girlfriend) all have kids and I want to have kids of my own. I don’t have any experience dating at all since I didn’t do it in high school. So like I have to go do the first date, and the first kiss most people experience in their teens.

Even my Mom is unhelpful-she’s either talks about a 70 year old woman who got married for the first time. Or she talks about a great grandaunt who lived all her life in my great-grandparents’ home, or she talks about a woman from church whom like me is disabled (but not in the same way), or she talks about my cousins (1 of my cousins had been until last year with her boyfriend since she was 16 and they broke up or the other cousin-whom my age, and she and boyfriend were engaged in 2018 and they’re going to get married in 2019-but they broke it off in 2019). None of them are ME and I have my own wants and wishes.

Okay. So if it’s people online who you don’t know who’s giving you the “advice”, then don’t talk about the issue online without telling them that you only want to vent. Or if you want advice, go specifically to someone who has better advice than “wait and it’ll all work out”. That’s why I linked to Captain Awkward. Random people online often won’t have good advice.

You don’t have contact info for your teammates/league members to set up practices/games? And you don’t have any church coordinators who you can talk to?
If you don’t have any contact info, then bowling might be out, but church is still an option. Wait 10 days and you’ll be able to talk to them.


bowling cancelled for the 2nd year in a row. And outside of facebook- I don’t really have contact with bowling people except for one of the legague sectary which also crosses into the church part.

And I haven’t been to church in years except for a couple of Sundays per year due to Dad’s annoying questions. And church people are like my grandpa’s age (90s) to my sister’s age 7 1/2 years older then me. And a lot of them have seen me grow up within the church. And a couple of the women have gone through at least one divorce -one woman has gone through I think two nasty divorces. (This is something else Mom has told me because the unhelpfulness of talking about (disabled church woman or joking about marrying me to an older man).

I mean If stuff can go back into in-person I did have someone suggest once about using an actual matchmaker- but I looked into that and only matchmaking folks are for professionals and I’m not one. The other problem of those kind of matchmaking sites is they’re in (City) and I’m not allowed there on my own even in normal times.

I’m not sure if I am breaking a rule in this paragraph, but you could tell people who say “the right guy is coming for you” to shut up. But more politely perhaps - the first time. How about “I don’t think you should encourage me/us to believe that.”

There’s St Catherine, who never married in the conventional sense and probably never existed, and yet apparently a possibly unofficial prayer (which I hope I didn’t already tell you) is:

“St. Catherine, St. Catherine, O lend me thine aid,
And grant that I never may die an old maid.
A husband, St. Catherine! A good one, St. Catherine!
But anyone better than no one, St. Catherine!
Handsome, St. Catherine! Young, St. Catherine!
Kind, St. Catherine! Rich, St. Catherine!
SOON, St. Catherine!!!”

And ideally not someone else’s, but, as an online friend, it is fair that I admit that in real life, quite a number of people do change partners. But on the other hand, trying to work it that way could lose you many of your closer friends. (I’m about 3000 miles and 25 years distant from you, so that’s out.)

And it may be more prudent to tell St Catherine about your marriage availability than to tell the whole world.

On the other hand, you could put it on a sweatshirt - the first two lines, anyway. That’ll get people who can read.

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or wear fandom clothing? Ie: something Harry Potter/Star Wars/Doctor Who related (I do have one thing which kind of combines the two above and it does require reading-it’s a spoiler T-shirt) and I also have a Harry Potter shirt. And a Disney shirt (yes I’m still a Disney fan geek as an adult).

One of my girlfriends been with her now-husband since Gr.8. And the first girlfriend married been with their boyfriend since we’re in Gr.12 and he was in Gr.11. Have no idea about Friend 3 all I know is he’s a year old then us, and went to ( our high school). And the leftover friend only known her husband for 3 years before they dated and they only dated for one year before the guy proposed (out of the four of them, I only ever meet 2 of the girlfriends’ boyfriends- the first girlfriend’s boyfriend was in drama class with friend and leftover friend and the 2nd friend I meet the boyfriend at our prom). The only person I know who has switched partners alot is my sister. Even my cousins haven’t… like one cousin was up till last year with the same partner since she was 16. And she’s like 7 years older then me. (almost sis’ age), and the cousin same age as me-was engaged to be and they broke it off in 2019.

But thanks for the actual helpful information of what to tell people when they give me this kind of unhelpfulness