Vent Your Frustrations!

We’re out of teabags.

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:scream: the horror

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airplane-out-of-coffee

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I’m in so much pain. I think everything from last weekend to this week just caught up to me. :frowning: thank goodness for tramadol.

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I’m here giving an update about my Aunt June. My mom called tonight and she’s not doing well. Her kidneys are failing and mom is considering calling in hospice for an evaluation. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

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<thoughts, prayers, and hugs>

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Thank you.

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I’m not mad, I’m just a bit upset.

(Classmate) and I have to post pone our walk for today because she’s under the weathe and one fo her kids woke up sick. So we will try to do it later this week or early next week.

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Can’t find my key! I’ve been looking for over half an hour and that not an exaggeration because someone phoned me shortly after I started searching.

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I hope you remembered to let her know that you were sorry she felt unwell, and that her kid was sick. If you forgot, it’s not too late to message her and let her know that you hope she and her kid both feel better soon.

If you’ve already done this, give yourself a pat on the back, and accept my apologies for giving you useless advice. I only mentioned it because it seems like you sometimes forget to say stuff like that.

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The half of my brain which wants to be a mother had me said “Understand what it’s like going from one cold to another”. I think she understood that I meant what you said.

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Ordered some cough drops online in a hard to find flavor.
Received cough drops in the most common flavor.
Not happy. But if worse comes to worst, it’s a flavor I like so they won’t go to waste.

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Its a good thing I’m not a sympathy vomitor(er?) But, boy, do I hate the smell enough it almost makes me want to vomit.

At least the kid threw up on the hard floor and easy to wipe cabinets and not his carpeted room. Also that it somehow wasn’t his entire lunch, just part of it.

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I’ve been late to everything so far today. Please let the pattern be broken, I have a work meeting in less than an hour…

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Work changed the beep that beeps whenever a new order comes in. It is SO much more higher pitched. I hate it.

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I have a coworker who is very frustrating. Hes a bit of a jack@$$. He likes to throw people under the bus, overload people who work under him, blame everyone else etc.

The problem is he is visibly physically disabled. It doesnt impact his work at all. And 99% of the time its completely a non-thing. It doesnt effect his work, it does keep him from participating in the office, hes fully capable of doing the work and when he does it hes quite good at it. But whenever someone calls him out on his jack@$$ behaviour he immediately goes for the “poor pitiful me” routine " how could I be the jerk? Im so so helpless theres no way he can be the bad guy"

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I really hate how at the Bank the numbers for either the ATM or for POS machine at the tellers have little “hoods” on them and that’s really diffcult for me to try to find the 123 keys because they’re hidden way under the hood. For a society trying to become more acessible that is doing the opposite of being accessible.

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I’m really hurting from everyone on the site telling me what a horrible monster people with cluster B personality disorders are, going against what non-ableist experts say (and the community, but that’s the catch-22 ableists have us in, because they’ve made us out to be dangerous untrustworthy manipulators so if we say we aren’t we’re obviously just trying to manipulate people into loving us). There are of course ableist psychologists but their numbers are shrinking and there’s a growing recognition of how cluster B PDs are more about how a brain has learned to cope with intense trauma in ways that cause distress and dysfunction for the person WITH them than are "abusive monster disorder.

I mean, come on. Abusers are abusers. It’s not mental illness, it’s entitlement and control. I was abused more than once and the ONLY things that played a FACTOR in my abusers’ choices were untreated anxiety and PTSD. And we can agree those aren’t suddenly about someone being a monster.

Anyway you might have noticed my use of “us”. If you want to think me a horrible monster, after having seen me around the site and interacted with me and never having had that experience, based on a diagnosis, well… can’t say I didn’t warn you of the ableism. I have always cared about other people deeply. I want to hurt myself when I hurt others because it makes me feel so horrible, but I don’t because that would make some of it about me which wouldn’t be right to whoever I hurt. I can educate about what these disorders really are to those willing to listen.

But please just don’t reply or post in response yelling about how much you know that these are in fact medical diagnoses for horrible abusers that can’t help themselves (if we can’t help ourselves and have no choice in the matter, aren’t we just animals that can talk? or perhaps that description suits you. Dehumanizing us is a favorite tool of ableists.) That is not what psychology says, and the studies you claim prove otherwise have EXTREME bias and terrible methodology. I am not the one not recognizing nor caring about the harm I do to vulnerable abuse victims here.

But that’s okay. I’m going back to school for psychology, as someone who has been involved in disability justice movements with advocates educated in this specific subject, because while already you argue with little knowledge on the subject, you’ll look more the fool arguing with a doctorate in the subject.

Regardless, I may have to leave the site, at least temporarily. This is not to make some big, dramatic departure, since I’ll likely lurk on the forums a bit longer, but just to say that I can’t handle facing much more of that hurt right now. I’ve just managed to get to not just a stable, but happy, place; after dealing with a lifetime of trauma I finally want to be here, have a safe place of my own with people who love and care about me who mean the world for me. I just… I wish people were kinder, more willing to listen, and didn’t go straight to calling me a monster without me ever having hurt them and without proof that I am abusive.

I have hurt people, and have been hurt. I have always tried to take responsibility and make things right. Most times, I have succeeded. I’m definitely not perfect, I have my fair share of flaws that it’s my JOB to work through and be better.

Idk, sorry for the long rant. It used to be just caring about my friends who were being hurt. I’m not sure which was worse. From the outside at least I felt more able to stand up for the people I care about. When it’s affecting me, I don’t… I can’t stand up for myself in the same way. It’s too scary and it makes me feel weak and fragile. I’ve hurt so much already that I just can’t take more.

I do wish reporting this would get it removed but, while we have lovely moderators, between the volume of work they have and the undereducation within the general population about this, it’s probably not possible. Just remember, “narcs” are about as abusive as schizophrenic people are violent, or as people with autism are all severely intellectually disabled or savants, or as people with PTSD can only get it from war, or any other of the number of ridiculous stigmas that have spawned. If you have the energy to educate people, please do so. And if anyone who I have “ignored” on the forums rebutts this, just don’t feed the bigots any more than you’d feed the trolls.

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My Job is very inconsistent with hours. Sometimes its 90 hours a week, sometimes its 10 hours a week. But overall it averages out to a reasonable amount of hours per week and Im good with the inconsistency. I get paid a salary that is the same regardless of hours.

The thing I am concerned about is that I just found out the client has approved me for overtime for December. I didnt even know that was an option. And considering I have worked 90 hour weeks and not got overtime I am concerned what an “overtime” week would look like. Gona be a rough month

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Yesterday my 92 year old grandfather pulled a ridiculous and expensive stunt at his nursing home. He was found unresponsive and emergency services were called. He came to in the ambulance but was talking out of his head. He ultimately told his kids (my dad and aunt; pretty sure they kept their brother updated as well), “My plan will be revealed at the end.”

Found out today after they had done all the scans that he was faking it all along. I’m tempted to yell at him for this stunt.

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