On a recent trip to Florida we went for breakfast at a bakery that was recommended to us, just one of those little places in a strip mall that sells bagels and eggs and, because Florida, fresh squeezed orange juice When I am a millionaire I am getting a zumex machine for fresh orange juice every day!
Anyway as we park the car and prep our masks, a huge pickup truck dragging a small trailer hitch behind it parks diagonally across the 6+ spots next to us. Already we could tell this was a kind and conscientious person Out steps a white dude, maybe in his 50s, T-shirt and shorts in a brownish non-color with white socks halfway up his legs and a wide brimmed hat like he was on safari. If this were Reddit I’d say he smelled strongly of “taxation is theft” with notes of “this is the freest country in the world.” He hops out his truck and struts toward the bakery.
Despite the “face masks required” sign on the door, inside the bakery many customers and even one of the workers were much less compliant, including our friend with the truck. (Insert rant here about masked workers and unmasked customers making public health a privilege.) We line up and place our orders to-go, and I wait outside with MIL while my husband bravely sacrifices himself to wait inside for our food
We were waiting outside for what felt like forever, and finally my husband emerges from the bakery with all the bags of food and the buzzing energy of “let’s just get out of here and I’ll tell you the story later.” In the car he tells us that while the few workers ran around, some poor guy showed up for his first day of work and nobody knew about it or what to do with him. They had to make some phone calls to sort things out and parts of orders (including my highly-awaited orange juice!) were missing as a result of the chaos.
Meanwhile, our parking champion friend was chatting up all the workers and distracting them. He even turned to the new worker and said, “So what high school did you go to?” like now is a good time to chit-chat about this poor guy’s personal history and resume! Why do you care, you haven’t been to high school in decades! And who elected you the mayor of this bakery? Can you please socialize with your friends instead of busy workers who are not paid enough to give you mediocre bagels (the orange juice was great but it’s hard to screw up with a zumex machine)? And if you want to pretend to care about these workers and their lives, why not protect them with a fücking MASK?? You can get one in the same brownish non-color as the rest of your wardrobe, or even brand it with slogans appropriate to your life, like “No drivers license, no gun license” and “I am one of the reasons Florida is so crazy”
Just felt like the alternate universe version of this guy:
And that is the story of how we met the self-elected mayor of a random Florida bakery