Sick of baked beans every Friday night on the table-suggestions of how to deal?

I was going to put this under the AIMBU but I think some of you might think I’m brat if I did that. I actually want to figure out how to deal with this issue instead. There might be a lot of "bacon* to replace swear words in the problem.

For the last 17 months with some exceptions that every Friday night (my night to cook)-Dad puts out bacon baked beans on the table. It’s gotten to the point that I just want to ban baked beans from the bacon table for at LEAST one bacon Friday night-so I don’t even have to SEE them. Mom says I don’t have to eat them but because they’re the table I feel like I have to eat them. It also gotten to the point I have had major fits about baked beans- (granted last week’s fit was not about baked beans itself but Dad putting the baked beans out way to bacon early). But even with my fits-I still end up eating the baked beans anyway.

The only exception to the baked beans is if I’m making a taco dish (taco salad-or a variation, taco pizza, *taco wraps, Taco Shepard’s pie), chilli, or a pasta dish. *Like I been pressing for the entire month of August of Taco salad-but Mom and I decided on doing taco wraps instead for last Friday and we had originally planned on using smush up kidney beans-but instead we used leftover corn from the night before.

So it means another bacon night of having baked beans on the table. And that was the whole point of having taco dish so I didn’t have to SEE baked beans for one bacon Friday but since we changed it to corn instead. Since Mom and I already decided on this upcoming Friday’s supper being hotdog’s that’s another week of having baked beans on the table.

And despite the fact I said that I had the option to ban baked beans from the table for ONE Friday night-I don’t think my parents would be too happy about that. Even though Mom rarely eats the baked beans.

So does anyone know a way to deal with wanting to not have baked beans at the table for ONE Friday night? And saying “no” isn’t an option-that’s just leads to whole other can of worms with my Mother and that’s an entire different thread.

Donate all the beans in your house to a food bank on Thursday night.

On a serious note, you cook.

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Sorry I thought it was clear in my story that I technically already “Do” the Friday cooking? I literally said the only nights that Dad has baked beans on the table are Friday nights unless (I’m making certain dishes)? But the baked beans are like corn on the cob, or chips a SIDE dish. And from a can! And I thought he considered can stuff “crap”? As he implied about my chilli once?

I feel for you; I have a family member who sometimes wants to eat the same dish again and again and again until even they get sick of it.

Could you put a lid (or just a piece of tinfoil) over the serving dish of baked beans so you don’t have to see them? This won’t work if you hate seeing it at all, though.

Maybe you could make coleslaw instead of beans for a while? Ask your Dad if there is something you can make that he likes even better than the beans.

1)I’m not really a fan of coleslaw. 2) And we already have a veggie side dish for each meal. Last week it was cut up veggies (Cuke, carrots, and celery-which I’m also not a major fan of)-but the rest of the time its parents-get-garden-salad and I have Caesar salad. The only exception is if we have corn on the cob so there’s no veggie dish then and 3)I have no idea how to make coleslaw except its made with cabbage I believe?

Its not really in a baking dish-it’s Dad will open up a can of baked beans (if we don’t have baked beans in the fridge already) and put them in a Rubbermaid container and then put it out on the table when its supper time. For a couple of weeks in mid-July Mom and I “doctor” it up with molasses and pre-diced(?) onion and put them in one of Mom’s glass(?) bowls.

The only “break” I can get if I’m making taco dish (I should have said “no” to mom about using the corn-but how was I suppose to know Dad was going to be putting baked beans on the table despite us having taco dish until I saw him out of the corner of my eye putting the baked beans out EARLY-which is another problem I have with him on Friday night?-; chilli, or pasta? Since last Friday was the only night despite Mom and I making a taco dish that Dad still put baked beans out. I mean isn’t there fibre with the like the " shell" or something? And he never does this on Mom’s nights (which is the other 6 nights of the week) he only does it on MY nights.

Either of these baked beans (At the moment it’s Heinz):
Clark baked beans
Henzi baked beans

In a Rubbermaid container like the one the red line is pointed to (er is trying to point too)
rubermaid contrainer2

I feel for you. I have a mother in law who’s obsessed with starches. Until recently when my husband got tired of having Stove Top stuffing whenever we had chicken we’d have that, corn, and mashed potatoes. Not a green vegetable in sight if she had her druthers. :roll_eyes:

What happens if you cook on a night other than Friday? For instance, you offer to make dinner on Wednesday as well. Would he pull out the beans on Wednesday as well, or would he only do that on Friday?

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the only times Mom and I might “switch nights” is if my sister’s coming for one night. Or we get Chinese food on a Friday. And at the most the switch is either Thursday for Friday or Saturday with Friday.

The only exception was the one Nov where I had made supper on Friday night (as usually)-and it was Saturday-and both my parents were not at home yet and I had to rush around to make another supper since the alterative choice was not to have supper until 9pm or later. I ended up making rice with chilli.

It’s just a pre-programed Idea (not pre-progranmed-sorry don’t know the best word for it) that I do Friday’s cooking when mom does the rest of the week’s cooking. But Dad never gets the baked beans out on any of the nights that Mom cooks-not even when we have wraps!

The only time I actually wanted to do more cooking was during the 2013-March 2020 year when Dad did most of the cooking (and I was the forced to be sous chef to make the salad)

I’m not sure that answered the question. So if you switch with your mom to a Thursday, then he doesn’t get beans on Friday, but he doesn’t get beans on Thursday either?

Either way, there is a possible way to keep yourself from eating the beans, at the very least. Serve the beans yourself, but don’t put them in a serving dish. Put them in an eating dish and only give them to your dad (or your mom, if she wants some that night). If they’re in a personal eating dish, then you’re not supposed to take them, because they belong to someone else. Therefore, you won’t take them.

That doesn’t solve the problem of them being at the table to begin with, but at least you won’t have to eat them while you’re looking for another solution.

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If they’re on the table-it feels like I have to eat them. Even in a personal bowl will still mean I have to see them. I just want them to be banished from the table for at least ONE Friday night. So I don’t even have to look at them. I don’t care if they’re in the fridge-but could Dad forgo one Friday night without them? Or have them for lunch or something? I mean he manages to go the other 6 nights of the week without them

It just like I got so sick and tired of almost every single Day except for “Asian Food” night or we had mac&cheese -of having pickles and olives on the table So that each week Mom would ask if I wanted “pickles and olives on the table” and I would say “no” to the point- that Mom and I got into a argument about it one Friday in mid-winter. I don’t remember what I made (Pasta?)-and I saw Mom get pickles and olives out and I said “She didn’t ask me if I wanted them!” and Mom said something like " I didn’t bother to ask because I know you’ll say no". I mean we have olives & pickles on the table 4-5 days out of the 7 day a week… So it any wonder I want to be able to have breaks from them?
After having them 4-5 days a week for 12+ months?

Just like Dad has to have baked beans on the table once a week-almost every Friday for the last 17 months?

note: The only time we had baked bean on the table on a night that wasn’t Friday-was when Dad got food three different times twice rom a restaurant (whose name is related to an imaginary rabbit, or a teenage witch’s boyfriend) or we got Pizza. I can’t remember if Dad got baked beans out the night we had KFC (it was suppose to be Chinese food but our local restaurant was closed)- which was a Wednesday night. I mean we had French fries, Fried Chicken, coleslaw &potato salad (I much rather have the potato salad over the coleslaw)

The first time was in January (the plan was for Dad to get the food on Friday-but due to the cold temp of Friday-I switched nights with Mom and Dad got them on the Saturday) and the other time was on Thursday after we got our 2nd shot of Covid vaccine. The pizza day was also on Saturday (in July) due to Mom’s very late hair appointment.

Recapping, your dad really likes baked beans. As a “vegetable” dish, as I follow. Although you pictured a can of “beans with pork”. That isn’t salad, that is a meal in a can. And molasses… that’s dessert. :slight_smile: I see that my “regular” baked beans have sugar so it isn’t really different nutritionally…

I don’t think you are going to get the beans off the table (if we are ruling out a secret drawer on your dad’s side) but to get you out of eating them because they’re there but hating it… how about a divided dish, or two dishes on their own tray, and one side is baked beans, one is something else… and the “rule” for you, at least, is that you are “allowed” to take from just one of those dishes. And that means that if you choose from the other dish, then you don’t “have” to eat baked beans. Of course, this is really just about you being free to make that decision.

To do it on the cheap, you could use - and wash - one of those individual meal dishes where you buy the food in a plastic tray with two or more compartments, one of which may be rice, or mashed potato.

My dear-I believe you need to get reading glasses. Or at least read a bit more slowly-I never suggested anywhere that the baked beans were the vegetable side dish. The vegetable dish was something else entirely.

IT’s Hot dogs/hamburger with a a little salad (or cut up veggies). party mix chips &popcorn, + baked beans.

Pizza (unless it’s taco pizza): it’s Pizza, salad/cut up veggies and chips (same as above)

So there’s already is a “vegetable dish” with the hot dogs/burger/pizza -its the salad or cut up veggies. The baked beans are an extra, extra, extra side dish.

So with the exception of last Friday’s supper (which was suppose to have beans-Kidney beans) -if it has beans of any kind in the bacon meal-Dad doesn’t get baked beans out. He only does it when there’s no beans in the meal.

Mom tries to what’s the world alternated what we have every day for grain. Like we have rice twice a week-one is Asian food night (like last night) and she’ll use the leftover rice for something later. (that just makes me think of the one time during Dad’s cooking days- that I accidently made the family eat a month-old rice since Dad was trying to make us have buns again after we just had them the night before) And if we have burgers-Mom will use the leftover buns for like a sandwich of some sort. Same with hot dog buns. And Asian food night is either Saturday or Sunday night and we have the leftovers on Thursday by the latest.

cut up veggies or salad:


garden salad
*side caser salad- note in my salad we have carrots, cuke and celery in them).

Party mix chips&popcorn


popcorn

baked beans from a can:

so like I said baked beans are a triple side dish on night with already have two side dishes -with one being vegetable dish. Beside the main dish.

Hey you have two choices 1 just tell your dad to stop or 2 make him eat all the beans either way you have to stand up to your dad who is a bully. My children are 15-10 and they basically kick my butt if I do things like that

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I can’t really get him to stop. Mom says he likes them on the table for his digestion. And by telling him to stop I’m “interfering with someone’s else diet” Yet this person interfered with MY diet from 2014-2020. But if likes them for his digestion how come he never puts them out for supper on any of day of the week (Asian food nights not counting) except for MY nights? Should I be put baked beans on the table every night?

That sounds like a good idea. Every night for beans, possibly except for Friday.

“Mom told me that they aid your digestion.”

Also, have you considered making your own beans? Make a bowl of nice beans, cooked from scratch, maybe with some meaty goodness in it and give your Dad a separate bowl for his tinned beans? Or just give him the unopened tin if you’re happy to share your nice beans.

in my onpion its like he’s saying he’s needs help with digestioning my food so he’s basically implying my food is crap. And also is saying Mom’s food isn’t crap and he doesn’t need help digestion Mom’s food.

Oh and Dad hates “doctored” beans-which is what Mom and I had done a couple of times. His only way of “doctoring” is by adding pepper

With the greatest of respect, I don’t see why it’s an issue that should be affecting you. If a man wants to eat his beans then let him eat. Doctor your own beans, let him be the weirdo at the table with an unopened tin.

Now, I do know in a number of posts you mention that you’re an autistic individual. As a random person on the internet it seems that a lot of the ways that you’re feeling sore about are things that are set in a routine for your dad. Is it possible that your dad is also autistic? You mentioned having set routings and meltdowns, with your dad having a similar mechanism with the bean routine mentioned here. I’m wondering if it’s a clash of routine?

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I never said Dad had baked beans in an unopened tin. I said he had them in a Rubbermaid container. It just I think that by taking them out for ONLY MY suppers (with a few exceptions) he’s implying my suppers are “crap” and mom’s suppers are not crap because he doesn’t take them out for HER suppers.

Given the wide variety of advice in this thread so far, I think we’ve exhausted pretty much all options (except maybe if you stop cooking dinner altogether and make it up to the household some other way). If nothing that you’ve seen so far will fix the problem, then you’re pretty much stuck with the status quo until you’re no longer living with your dad.

I was saying give him an unopened tin of beans.