Should we publish this story?

One of the benefits of having a forum like this, is when the editors come across a story they wish they could test before publishing - we can!

This story comes across as mostly plausible but it contains a few issues that our editorial process normally flags for consideration. In this instance, the assumptions of the OP, several clichés in the story, and a comeuppance ending (that we usually love!) that might seem a tad far-fetched.

So we pass this story on to you, our forum readers. Should this story be published on the main feed, or is it destined for Unfiltered?


Retail, Parking Lot, South Carolina, USA

I was in the grocery store the other day, having just crossed the crosswalk from the parking lot, when someone laid on the horn and nearly scared the crap out of me. I turned around, and saw some kid in a brand-spanking new G-Wagon (Almost certainly his parents’, cause very few people at that age could afford the payments!) flipping off an elderly man on crutches slowly crossing the crosswalk! On top of that, said elderly man was obviously a ‘Nam vet based on his hat! (I know his injury wasn’t battle-sustained or else he’d have a wheelchair or something more permanent, but still, he deserves some extra respect!) In a few more seconds of waiting, Mr. Rich Kid swerved around the man and accidentally sideswiped the cart return! He went ballistic, saying his father was a big time lawyer, and there’d be a lawsuit, etc. Fortunately, an employee who’d been in the lot collecting carts came up, having witnessed the whole thing. The rich kid then let loose a torrent of words not suitable to repeat, and went off on how we (I’d gotten involved by then!) were being racist, discriminating against him by denying the use of the crosswalk, etc. He threatened to take us to the police. The employe handled it beautifully from there. Oh, the police? Sure, they have a sub-office attached to the main [store name] building! Let’s go get them, I’m sure they have it all on CCTV! The rich kid’s face went livid, and he jumped in and swerved off, out of the parking lot. The elderly man thanked us, and we (the employee, myself, and another bystander who’d also intervened) went on our way. I’d sure like to’ve been a fly on the wall when he had to explain the scratch on daddy’s new car!

1 Like

It’s certainly plausible, but I find it spoiled by the inner monologue: it’s a mix of unnecessary information and speculation.

As stories go, I would say it’s unfiltered. Remove all the extraneous filler and it could probably work for NAR.

12 Likes

I agree with Stephen, I don’t need to know whose car it is, or where this old man has or hasn’t been. Anyone needs respect, not just elders, or not just elder vets. Besides that, why do you have to be in a wheelchair with a battle-sustained injury, and not when it’s not battle-sustained? All fluff that takes us away from the actual story.

Also the last () I expect the elder man also to be on his way, and the bystander is no bonus to the story, so even that part is useless.

6 Likes

Its possible but something about the writing is tripping my BS alarm. Cant quite put my finger on what it is. Maybe its that OP seems to know too many details about a random stranger? The seem to know all the details like a narrator. Just comes accross as suspect to me.

10 Likes

I agree that the writing style is more of a problem then the actual story. I can buy a rich kid getting upset that someone took too long in the crosswalk and then sideswiped the cart return, but the way that makes a dozen assumptions and prescribes morality in this story grates on me.

11 Likes

Agreed with everyone above, and like Stephen, I say without the inner monologue, it would be a passable story (albeit much shorter than it is).
As it is, it would not garner much sympathy from the readership.

@Opinion It also rubs me the wrong way, I think it’s that this sounds like someone trying too hard to tell a story (real or not) even more interesting than it was.

7 Likes

This irks me. A lot.

6 Likes

Please don’t publish it like this, the tone is so annoying.
Unless you want to cause a riot in the comment section discussing the reliability of the narrrator and what qualifies as a war wound!

8 Likes

I’d be hesitant to even consign it to unfiltered myself. There are enough poorly written stories around and we don’t need more.

1 Like

I assume they thought the crutches meant it was temporary, but actually crutches are used by people with chronic mobility issues and ambulatory (able to walk) wheelchair users!

5 Likes

feels like kinda a waste weighing in now: everyone’s said my thoughts.

The writing is more of a problem than the story, and all the derisive comments and speculation makes it annoying to read, dubious, and flame-bait for the comment section.

5 Likes

This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.