Not watching my language in front of my friend's kids in my own home? AIBU?

My friend came over to my house for a visit and told me not to swear in front of her kids (ages 10-13) but then puts on a violent action movie for them on my netflix, with more F-bombs than I’ve probably said all year.

I didn’t point out the double-standard, but am I being unreasonable to feel forced to self-censor in my own home when she obviously doesn’t care what they’re watching on TV?

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Absolutely not. If anything, she’s being unreasonable and hypocritical besides.

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Exactly. Tomato’s house, Tomato’s rules. If she doesn’t like it, she’s more than free to stop visiting.

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No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

The kids will hear those words all the time in everyday life, and with 10-13 they’re not really that young anymore, so they would start mimicking it without knowing it’s meaning. It’s up for the parent to teach them not to use them, but they can’t expect them not to HEAR the words.

My brother told his son (6yo) that he (my brother), personally, doesn’t mind and he won’t be upset if the son swears. Other adults, including his pre-school teachers, his grandparents, other kids’ parents - they will probably be upset and angry. If he (the son) swears around them, he should expect it to have consequences.

I have never heard that kid swear :woman_shrugging:

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I’m gonna get a sign saying “Tomato’s house, Tomato’s rules”!

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Back in my day (before the turn of the century, haha), we had clean mouths until junior high. After that, it was like someone flipped a switch. Really weird.

Nowadays, my parents don’t care unless I use the F word–and then Goddess help me!

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You’re being fine, though the movie has no bearing on the answer either way.

If she visits your house, she can’t “tell” you not to swear. (She could ask politely, though you might say no.)

In her own home, she can make the rules…and as she wouldn’t owe an explanation for those rules, it would be unreasonable for you to say “but you let them watch that movie!”

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Interesting take, thanks!

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Yeah, same here. I remember not saying a single swear word until I moved out, and suddenly I was dropping f-bombs like it was the most natural thing in the world. I still self-censor around my mother though - it’s like an instinct :stuck_out_tongue:

I think this will be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like when you have guests over, you do need to self-censor a little bit.

I feel like it’s a level of respect for your guests. To the same level as not smoking, or being nude, around your guests is.

As for the action movie, in theory she could be - directly or indirectly - teaching them that what happens in movies and what happens in the real world are separate things.

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They’re friends though, they should now how the other person acts and speaks. If they don’t want the kids to hear an adult swear, don’t bring them to an adult you know who is swearing

Yes, I’m afraid you are being unreasonable, or at least impolite, if you don’t. Of course you need to behave differently in your house when you’re alone and when you have people over. Imagine that she had said “my kids have a peanut allergy”, would you then insist on your right to make yourself a PB&J in front of them and see if they swell up and break out in hives? She said “my kids have a swearing allergy”. So, you can either not swear, or not invite them over.

And it is different from when a movie does it and when Auntie Tomato does it. In movies people rob banks, fly through the air, shoot laser beams out of their eyes, and solve problems with their fists. Kids can understand that they aren’t supposed to emulate that. When beloved Auntie Tomato does something, it’s a lot harder to explain that most people aren’t really supposed to do that in real life.

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I think you should censor your language when children are around. But you also are entitled to censor YOUR Netflix. I don’t use it but I presume that you can set parental control on it, which in this case would be you. And never give your friend the password to unlock parental control. But I assume that it IS your own Netflix account… and conceivably, your friend could log on with her own password, in your house.

Agreed.

Depends on the words, IMHO. The occasional f-bomb, say after stubbing your toe on something & that’s the automatic response… in context to something, I’d say is completely fine. It’s your own home, and those kids have probably not only heard it all before, but said them before. If you were in another’s home, the kids were younger, you knew that the adult of the home or location you’re in did not allow certain groups of words to be spoken there, etc., I would say otherwise.

I don’t believe so. If she’s your friend, then she knows how your mouth is. I cuss like a kindergarten teacher on a break and although with some of my friends I do try to curb it in front of their littles, they have never ASKED me too. But to turn around and put on a violent movie, that’s just ridiculous. I would’ve said something to the effect of, “oh ok so I have to watch my mouth in my own home but you let them watch this sh…?” But I can be petty lol. Don’t ever self censor in your own home. It’s YOUR home. Not hers. If you were in her home, ok I could see watching my mouth a bit. But not in yours.

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That was my experience, too! It was like over the summer between fifth and sixth grade everybody else learned all the swear words, except me. Wild experience, honestly.

Said this above but i’ll say it again. It’s about having a little respect for your guests. Don’t walk around naked, don’t puff smoke in their face and respect the level of language they are comfortable with.

There is also a difference between movies and real life. Most of us are taught movies, tv, games, books, etc are just fiction and we know not to emulate them.

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I mean, I try to watch my language around other people’s kids as a matter of course. But I also don’t censor myself around my daughter - she’s about to turn 12 - and her language has never been an issue. She swears around us sometimes but has never done it in front of grandparents or at school, and we remind her to watch her language with her friends. So I do think it’s a bit silly to say that children shouldn’t be exposed to swearing; they just need to be taught/shown about responsible use, same as with any other “adult” activity.

If your friend doesn’t care about her kids hearing swearing in a movie I’m surprised she cares about hearing it from other adults around them.

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I agree in some aspects, like the naked thing and smoke thing. But quite honestly if you’re already friends with someone that curses like a sailor then you should already know. Just my opinion. I personally do try to watch my mouth around other’s kids, especially ones that don’t know me WELL and of course those older than me just out of respect. However, if we’ve been friends for a long while AND they aren’t censoring other things then oh well, I don’t know what to tell you.

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