Let's have some Pun

Howdy there! We noticed there haven’t been any mew posts recently, so I decided to make my own. Bad, good, or punny, I need to hear your best (or stupidest, dad jokes count as puns right?) puns right meow.
Personally, I love kitten around.

2 Likes

5 Likes

I bought a pet newt and I named him tiny because he is my newt.

3 Likes

5 Likes

Not exactly a pun or a joke. But it’s really funny.

In a Readers Digest years ago there was a story about a family.

The family normally has spinach but a little kid either didn’t like spinach or something. And either one night when the Mom was working in the kitchen, or they’re eating supper there was asparagus on the counter/table and when the little kid saw it they said “Oh no! Spinach legs!”

So because of it we have a running joke in the family of calling asparagus “spinach legs”

1 Like

I’ve got that one saved in my phone, too :upside_down_face:

2 Likes

4 Likes

I always struggled to spot the difference between a porpoise and a dolphin, but finally it clickclickclickclickclicked

3 Likes

Why do cows wear cowbells?
Because their horns don’t work!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

3 Likes

What should you do if you come across a room with Frankenstein, Dracula, a werewolf, a coven of witches, and a vampire?

Cross your fingers and hope its a fancy dress party!

4 Likes

A Senior police officer were training three rookies there’s a profile of a man. He asked Rookie 1 “How do we found this guy?” Rookie 1 said “We should look for a guy with only one ear like in the picture” [ Officer “Of course he only has one ear, it’s in profile!” The officer ask Rookie 2 “How do we find the this guy?” Rookie 2 said “We look for a guy with only one eye like in the picture” Of course he only has one ear, it’s in profile!" Officer then asked Rookie 3 “Le’ts hope your not as stupid as the other do but how do we look for this guy?” Rookie 3 said “We look for someone whom wears contact lens”

The officer whom didn’t know if the suspect did wear contact lens so he leaves and comes back and said “He does wear contact lens how did you know?” Rookie 3-“well he can’t wear glasses with only one eye and one ear”

2 Likes

I bought a new fishing line and my wife asked me why since I’ve never fished before. I told her it was just for the halibut.

6 Likes

Don’t know how many of you remember the jokes from Disney’s Mary Poppins? The vaudeville style jokes here’s a monster-themed one:

The police are looking for a monster with one eye named Cyclops. “What’s the name of his other eye?”

2 Likes

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of her car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible!” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”

The woman says, “Don’t worry.”

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?”

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says, “Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave.”

2 Likes

I’m surprised Stephen isn’t doing the lion’s share of the entries… then again, if the haters ever show up, be careful you don’t get lynxed!

1 Like

You a mews me

2 Likes

I once met an electrician who claimed he knew everything about opposition to AC or DC in electrical circuits.

I have never before seen such impedance

2 Likes

What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

3 Likes

What do you get when you cross elephants with kangaroos?

Big holes all over Australia.

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog, because he croaks every night.

3 Likes

Why is Mr Mushroom good at parties?

Because he’s a fun guy!

1 Like