Let’s play Bad Genie

Congratulations, you’ve found a magic lamp! Unfortunately the genie that comes out is not Robin Williams (RIP) or even a very capable genie. This one tends to mishear things or misunderstand wishes, not out of maliciousness, but just ignorance for how the world works. So for example, if you wish for a bowl of ice cream, you might get a bowl that screams when you touch it. Or if you wish for the ability to fly, it doesn’t come with the ability to land, or you need to sprint 2km in order to take off.

How to play: how would the bad genie grant the wish of the poster above you? Then make a wish for the next poster to grant!

I’ll start: I wish I had some tacos.


"Your wish is my command! You are now in the middle of Mexico, for some truly authentic tacos! And what’s more because you haven’t got your wallet on you, you have been transported to one of the best tacos chefs where you can have them for free!

“Unfortunately, because you haven’t got your wallet on you, getting out of this villa in the middle of nowhere is going to be a problem. Did you have your passport on you? Oh, that’s a shame. Not that you are likely to be going anywhere soon. Those tacos you just ate? Those tacos were supposed to be going to the owner of this villa; it is his place after all. Him? Not too sure. Something to do with the distribution of white powder. Anyway, bon appetit!”

I wish for a trip around the world!


Oh dear Stephen, this genie is happy to oblige!

I will grant you a magical passport that will let you travel instantly to any country you want. You will also be accompanied by a little gnome, Eddgerd, who will make sure you trip on every 3 step you take!

Forgot my wish!

I wish I could talk to animals.


The genie snaps his fingers and nothing changes. You can talk to the animals but they don’t understand you and don’t respond.

I wish that I had a bowl of ripe strawberries.


Certainly. A bowl of these, that you can keep forever!

I wish I could fly like Superman


Of course. You take off and begin flying through the air at mach speeds. However, as you’re just a regular human being, your body can’t handle the immense forces causing you to make an emergency landing onto a desert island in the middle of the ocean. Your clothes disintegrated during flight, your skin is badly damaged and it isn’t helped by the hot sun beating down on you. The only thing on this island is a singular palm tree with a lone coconut. A blessing! A gust of wind blows through the palm tree and knocks the coconut down, which hits a rock smashing open giving access to life giving coconut water. But disaster! As you go to pick it up, a massive crab knocks the husk out of your hand and spills the coconut water onto the baking hot sand. It takes the other piece and skuttles into the ocean. Your only hope is a genie…

I wish for a 12 inch pianist.


Certainly. And here’s his piano!

I wish… I could finally get the solo for Stairway to heaven correct


Oh, that wish is easy. He whacks you on the head enough and you wake up in front of a stairway. He really misunderstood your wish and now you are on your way to heaven. Oh well, maybe one of the angels will give you a solo.

I wish there were pants for girls with actual pockets on the pants.


Sure… but you do realise this genie is British?

I wish that I could win the jackpot in the National Lottery


Funny enough my dad has a saying. “More useful than a pocket in your underwear.”


Congratulations, you won! 1 million burundi-francs will be transferred to your account.

I wish I could forsee the future


You can forsee the future.
Just 500 years from now and entirely out of context, so maybe write a book and someone will lose their mind about how accurate you are.

I wish for a pet dragon


A dragon lands in your lap, though he didn’t give you a mythical beast. He gave you a komodo dragon. It seems quite confused about where it is. I hope you can care for it and not get bitten.

I wish I had good air-drying clay.


oh dear, it seems he misheard you, and now you have a hairdryer made out of clay.

I wish for a million dollars.


“Here you are!” announces the genie, proudly handing you a tiny wig made from a million doll hairs.

I wish I could teleport anywhere in the world!


I mean I probably still paint it


Congratulations. However, you will always end up 8 feet above your intended destination and get a helping hand from gravity. I suggest teleporting to a hospital or a trampoline store!

I wish that I always pulled out correct change in the correct currency when paying for my purchases.


Certainly, but I hope you only plan on making small purchases from now on.

Change will always be in the smallest coin denomination for that country (e.g. 1p coins for the UK) and will be for the full amount. It will only appear in a clothing pocket, and it will arrive about 30 minutes before you realise you will need it.

When you come to scoop out the coins, you will pull out the right amount, but the clothing will probably be somewhat stretched and probably around your ankles.

On the plus side, it’s doubtful you’ll need to buy that washing machine now.

Me, I wish I could freeze and start time whenever I felt like it.


And snap! You have that power. However, when you freeze time then time stops for you as well rendering the entire universe frozen in time forever with no hope of continuation.

I wish I had a pint of beer.


Certainly! Here it is…

… well, a tiny part of one. Not sure why you’d only need a pint’s worth? Still, you do you.

I wish I was in the movies