The Contr-urine-an Librarian
I’m a sixty-ish-year-old woman wearing a knitted cardigan working the service desk of a library, with my hair up in a bun and reading glasses hanging around my neck. I am the stereotypical vision of an old librarian lady.
A young male customer walks up to the service desk and leans in for a whisper.
Customer: “So… I… uh… I got this drug test—”
Me: “I cannot sell you my urine.”
Customer: “How… how did you know I was going to ask that?”
Me: “You were here last month filling out job application forms. Here you are today reeking of weed. You got a job offer, and they have a drug test requirement. People like you also seem to think that either the library offers a lot more services than it really does, or we poor librarians are so poorly paid that we’d be willing to sell our own bodily fluids to make rent.”
Sadly, that last part isn’t too far from the truth.
Me: “Besides, my urine would be of no use to you anyway.”
Customer: “Why? It’s not like you could be pregnant.”
Me: “It’s cute you think my urine is free from illicit and mind-altering substances.”
I very sloooooowly curved my mouth up into a wide psycho smile, eyes wide. He backed away and I haven’t seen him since.
Related:
The Contrarian Ex-Librarian
The Contrarian Librarian: The DVD
The Contrarian Librarian Runs Out Of Time
The Contrarian Librarian: The Childhood Years
Softening Of The Contrarian Librarian