Complaining About Home Life

Belatedly: I’d be frustrated about the cakes, too. However, that one place no longer does specialty cakes doesn’t mean you can’t get a specialty cake! Try a web search for your town’s name plus cake decoration, and see what turns up. If there’s nothing else in town but you’d be willing to travel to retrieve a cake, you could expand the search to areas you’d be comfortable bringing a cake home from. You could also ask friends/coworkers/etc. if they know of anyone in the vicinity who does specialty decorated cakes.

On the apartment/house-hunt front, to add to what others have already said: If you haven’t yet, try some real-estate sites that have map views and allow you to enter search criteria. If, say, you enter the postal code of the pub you might be working at there, and enter that you’re looking for apartments in that vicinity that allow dogs and have whatever other features you want, those sites should show you what’s currently available around there. You have several timing choices, made easier by the fact that you don’t have to sync moving out with the ending of a lease: You could see if there are apartments/homes you’d want in the new area and then ask work if you could transfer contingent on getting one of those closer places, or take the job transfer with the understanding that you might commute to it for a few months while continuing to look for a home you like there, or take an apartment you like and plan to commute to your current job until you either get a transfer or find a different job near your apartment. This is all stuff your therapist could probably give you some direction on sorting out, too.

Good luck!

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I should probably clarify I haven’t actually asked for the transfer yet, I was just looking and saw it was something I could ask for. Which I think simplifies things a bit.

Also, just asking for a reality check or something, me not wanting to pack things I like (like my favourite t-shirts) because I’m worried the suitcase will get lost forever is just me being overly paranoid, right?

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It’s possible for luggage to be lost, but it’s rare for it to never turn up again; my partner’s took a couple of days to get to him during his last trip. Everyone gets to choose their own level of risk tolerance, and you should do whatever makes you comfortable, but I can tell you I routinely bring things I like on trips. I have sometimes brought fragile valuable-to-me things on drives that I wouldn’t want to trust luggage handlers with, but that’s a matter of breakage risk rather than lost luggage. (When my grandmother died and I unexpectedly wound up with the family grandfather clock, we rented a long-bed SUV and spent two days driving it home rather than risk shipping it.)

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When talking to my dad I was finally able to tell him “I want to move out from this house” and that was clear enough that he understood and didn’t try to dissuade me.

However, he then said “In that case, you [as in my sister who was also in the room] can move in with me and [girlfriend].”

So I was mentally freaking out a bit at that, and I tried to clarify with him if he meant that if I wasn’t moving out of this house, if that meant he would expect me to parent her.

He said he wasn’t expecting me to parent her, and that he hadn’t said that, and there would need to be a discussion of where she would live, and he’s just floating ideas. But he was really mad at me for “putting words in [his] mouth” which I wasn’t doing on purpose it’s just that how my brain interpreted his words.

I feel like I probably did overreact a bit, but at the same time there have been too many times where I just didn’t do anything and just went with whatever was expected and I really don’t want to get stuck in doing something I don’t want to do because I didn’t speak up enough about it when it was suggested. Even though I do know that making sure my sister had somewhere safe to live with me would be the nicer thing to do. If that makes any sense?

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I think your father’s actions speak louder than his words here, though it’s possible he hadn’t really thought it through or recognized what he’s been doing. From what you’ve said, it’s sounded like he’s been at his girlfriend’s more than he’s been at home for quite a lot of months now, de facto leaving you as the person in charge of taking care of your sister whenever he’s gone.

So no, I don’t think you overreacted. However, I’m not sure the situation if you weren’t going to move out would be much different from what it is right now, except that he might continue to spend less and less time at home — he’s already been drifting away from parenting, consciously or otherwise.

I’m glad he was able to hear you about moving out and at least somewhat accept it! :slight_smile:


Does anyone know how to do laundry without a washing machine?

Ours broke on Wednesday (it will trip the electric if we plug it in, figuring that mess out was “fun”) and now I’ve realised I’m going to have to wash my uniform several times before my dad gets back from his holiday.

Is it as simple as just throwing the clothes in a bowl of warm soapy water and scrubbing? Or are there any other steps to the process?


Thank you!

We’re celebrating my sister’s birthday today (her actual birthday is tomorrow) but lots of little things keep going wrong!

First she’s won’t open her presents because our dad wants video evidence of her opening them tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning when she has to leave the house at 08:30 to get to her exam, rush home to grab the bag she’s packing either tonight or tomorrow morning, and then sit on a train for about six hours. So she’s not going to have any time to actually do anything with her presents other than open them.

I gave her my present late, because I slept in until 11:30. And now I have a headache and I really don’t want to be snappy at her son should probably take some paracetamol. But at least she happily play with one of her presents even of she’s not allowed the rest yet.

I tried to bake her birthday cake last night. I got as far as taking the cake mix out the cupboard and realising it needs eggs. And we didn’t have any eggs and it was midnight so nowhere was open and now it’s Sunday so nowhere is still open. I did speak to her about it and she says she’s okay with waiting for the cake until she gets back from the holiday, but I feel like I screwed up on the most basic level of birthday things.

She wanted to eat the sausages in the fridge at lunchtime for sausage sandwiches and then go to the [pub] for dinner. But we have no bread, and I have no idea how since our dad hasn’t been here to eat it all for a few days now, so instead we’re having the sausages for dinner and I’m putting cheese on her chips. Actually I might ask if she also wants bacon on her chips like she likes from work. Because if we’d gone to the pub she would have wanted the bacon chips along with her meal.

Middle sister is refusing to celebrate today because the little one’s exam tomorrow means she can’t get drunk tonight. Not that she’s technically old enough to get drunk, but private residence and all that, but I’m probably going to have to be the responsible adult when the middle one does try to get the little one drunk, but it’s not like she ever listens to me anyway, but hopefully the little one won’t want to drink too much since she’s not too keen on alcohol in the first place. Also, she has work today so that’s another reason she can’t celebrate today.

I know this is all really minor stuff but I just wanted her to have a nice day before the stress of tomorrow and so many little things are going wrong and I’m just frustrated.


Dad came home from his holiday about 10-15 minutes ago and he’s already back out the door with a “see you Tuesday” after complaining at me about three different things.

First was that I forgot to take the recycling out. Which was my bad.

Second was he’d needed someone to collect some of my sister’s old medical stuff, and needed someone to be home all day because they couldn’t give a narrower window. I had a day off and was staying home anyway, so the guy came and collected the stuff. But I forgot to ask him for a receipt, which my dad specifically asked for, and now he’s complaining that we have no proof that it was taken. His girlfriend offered to phone the people, but he declined.

Third was he’s complaining my other sister has left some of her stuff “lying all over” the living room. She tidied up before he got back, her stuff was neatly in the corner. The only thing that wasn’t was the bag of her stuff he’d brought back with him and dumped near his computer. He also made me play messenger because he wants me to tell her to put her stuff away, and it better be gone before he’s back on Tuesday.

Well, at least I won’t be expected to do anything more than a text tomorrow since he isn’t here.

Sister didn’t share her birthday cake with me.

When she cake back yesterday, she showed me that she’d brought cake home to share, and I didn’t touch it so it could be shared after middle sister got home.

And this evening I go to look at what I’m cooking for dinner, since even though it’s supposed to be sister’s turn she just doesn’t want to. And I noticed the cake had been moved from where she’d left it.

I ask her if she wants the pizza I found for dinner, and also asked where she put my share of the cake, and I get told she’s eaten it. That her and middle sister are it earlier and neither of them remembered to come offer me any since I wasn’t there.

I was in my room chatting on discord! Middle one could be bothered to come distrupt me so she could tell down my mic and demand that I unmute it when I muted it, and spend a good amount of time stood asking me what I think about her outfit (that I would never wear) and asking me what random shit in my room is so I can’t pay any attention to my friends. And the little one could be bothered to ask if she could have some of the chocolate I bought I Friday which I had bought for myself but said she could anyway. And neither could be bothered to ask if I wanted some of the cake?

It’s not even supposed to be that big of a deal. It’s only a chocolate cake so it’s not like it’s my favourite kind of cake and I wouldn’t have even been a that big of a slice. But I’m just so pissed off. Like my sister seemed upset when she was telling me that she was sorry and she just forgot about me, but I’m still stupidly angry about it.

I want to say she can make her own fricking dinner, but if I d that I know she probably isn’t eating tonight. And I’m supposed to be making sure she eats properly at least some of the time.

I think the sooner the summer’s over, the happier I’ll be.


Dad seems to give zero shits about how his actions are going to impact my youngest sister. He’s also looking to move house, because “[girlfriend] won’t let it get to the same state this one got to.” And that’s all well and good for him and all, but I think he’s planning on moving sometime this year. He hasn’t given me an actual date though.

But the new house is too far away from where my sister is going to college. He was talking to the middle one about it and apparently his attitude is just, “Well, she might not finish college and go live with [nice aunt] or something.” Yes my sister has expressed that she would like to live in the same village our nice aunt lives in, but she has also made it very clear that finishing college is important to her! She’s actually putting in real effort so that she can get into the higher level course, and I’m so proud of her, and he just doesn’t care that his own fucking actions are going to ruin that for her.

Middle sister has also been storing some of her old toys in the attic that she wants to pass down to her future children, but he’s telling her that she needs to sort out the attic this summer. With very heavy implications that anything she doesn’t take back to university to store in her own room is going to be thrown away. She might be able to negotiate paying him storage space, which I have not suggested to her yet, but she shouldn’t have to do that!

He tried to talk to me last night about what’s happening to me if he moves out before I’ve found somewhere. I wasn’t being really responsive (yet again he’d cornered me in the kitchen while I’m cooking and therefore can’t leave) because I was doing my best to not freak out like I did when my sister mentioned that morning what he’d said his plans were. Which was that if i moved into his new house then the rules would be a lot stricter and I wouldn’t like it. He mentioned that as an option to me for if I haven’t found a house but didn’t mention the stricter rules thing. He also suggested going to his current housing association and asking them to find me a one bedroom flat. I get that contingency plans are important and all, but I was not impressed with the conversation.

I told him I was trying to find a house and move before he does so that wouldn’t be a problem, and he said that he was also working on getting a house. And he asked me if I wanted him to put his life on hold until I get a house. At the time last night I said “no, of course not” but thinking about it with what my middle sister’s told me today, I do want him to put his life on hold. Not necessarily until I find a house, but for two years so my sisters can finish their college and university.

He also tried to help me look for houses, saying that I don’t have to everything on my own. But he was looking where we live now, where the one bedroom flats are only just in my budget. I tried pointing out, as I have before, that I have a greyhound and she needs a garden. He told me that I’d just have to put her lead on everytime she wants out, and while it wouldn’t be ideal it is a good compromise. But if I move away from where we currently live, I could get a house with a garden within my budget.

I did actually finally get around to requesting a house viewing. Had a panic attack after I sent the message and asked middle sister to come with me as moral support, but that fell through since the sellers already had a buyer. Which is progress since it’s further than I’d gotten before, but now that there’s a vague time limit I’m getting panicky again because my “progress” is so fricking slow. And even if I do manage to move out before my dad and his girlfriend buy a house, it doesn’t solve the issues either of my sisters have.

I get that my dad is gettign really annoyed with me and is trying to encourage me to actually move out in his own tough love kind of way, but it’s no excuse for how little he cares about the impact on my sisters. I know he’s all upset and all that he’s missed out on life opportunites thanks to raising us. But he’s still a parent and as selfish as it may be I still think that should come before he gets to move on with his life. He has one more year until the little one turns 18, and while I won’t be too impressed with him for refusing her the help she needs at that time, I’m fuming at the thought that he’s planning on fucking her life over while she’s still techinically a child!



Just wow


Friday my dad asked me to buy a new washing machine for him, and said it would be mine to keep after I move out and he would also buy me a “white good” (fridge, freezer, cooker, ect) when I have a place.

I said okay, but after he left I realised I didn’t want to until we had a written confirmation of the agreement. This morning I saw him again and asked for one.

He sends me a text in the family group chat confirming the agreement, and then his girlfriend responds saying “Really? Is there no trust?”

I’m kinda annoyed that that’s her response. Even if I did trust him completely, this is practising good adulting habits. And my dad has been good in raising me to be cautious about money stuff.

For example, asking me to grab money from an ATM for him and then making sure I watch him count it. Though usually I count it to him myself because it’s easier for me to keep track of if I’m doing it slowly that if I hand him the money and he’s counting two notes as one or hiding the or whatever other tricks he used to do


I would be very tempted to reply “As you trust him so much I am withdrawing from the agreement before money changes hands. You can buy it for him.”

But I am just an a-hole who doesn’t hesitate to call out and stir the pot…


I did confront her on it, though not to extent you would’ve. She said I didn’t need it because her and my littlest sister were witnesses, and I might technically be her money that pays for it.

When I pointed out there was not harm in getting it in writing and asked what her issue is, I was told there is no issue, she was “just curious :rofl:” and that if know if she did have an issue.

I know tone is difficult with text, but I hadn’t read her first message as “just curious :rofl:” at all.


This one of yours?

Just a heads up about the comment section: be prepared to be smothered in virtual hugs.


Yeah that looks like one I submitted from the preview. Can’t look at it now (break technically just ended) but I will appreciate the virtual hugs tonight.




A further caution: you may wish to avoid the thread started by Baldomero Lopez IV. There are some things said in that thread that are not particularly… um… helpful. However, there are a fair few in the thread countering these unhelpful comments.

Sadly, it is never possible to please everyone, but the vast majority of commentators (myself included) appreciate these contributions to Related!