Can't deal with my *Bacon* parents

I had one of my two hair shower days this morning. I can wash my hair but I just can’t braid it (fine motor skills). So I need a parent or someone to do it for me. While after I did my chores of emptying the dishwasher and putting flatware on the table-I went and told my Mom I would go upstairs to grab an elastic for my hair and when I got back downstairs, we could do my hair. She said okay. But what pissed me off is the fact when I returned after grabbing the elastic -Mom was doing something on the Dad’s bacon notebook. I mean she knew I was going to be RIGHT BACK DOWN THERE!!! But she claims “we didn’t know how long you would be!” So I got pissed off at her and yelled and stormed off but had to storm back downstairs to make a drink for myself and I was slamming everything the fridge door, the water bottle, etc. She finally gave the notebook back to Dad temporary, so she could do my hair. And my mom thinks the electric braider thing only does a “twisty” thing and doesn’t actually braid. And since I have no way of buying one for myself (I’m not even able to use my own bank card to buy Sim games online) Yeah I’m a spoiled brat… but the way my parents raised me by NOT parenting me until I was an adult?

There aren’t really any rules in this house. The only rules were for me in normal times. Mostly “couldn’t go into provincial capital alone” and “I couldn’t be in a doctor’s office on my own”. When I was a child, my parents did try to teach me independence, but for some reason, at the time I didn’t want to know that stuff so I would have temper tantrums for something as minor as setting the table or doing the dishwasher. After one too many TTs my parents just gave up on me (and now, as an adult, they’re trying to parent me like they should have?!) so the only person who actually “parented” me is my only sibling, my 71/2 older sister. (I have no idea why else I obey her when she tells me something like “go sit on the stairs” for a time out like in 2006 Baked Potato incident). I am trying to have a better relationship with her but it’s kind of hard especially with my self and parent diagnosed autism. And then there’s the huge list of problems with my Dad which for some reason I just can’t let go off (several of them are on here).

I don’t really have any problems with my Mom except for her finding excuses to NOT do stuff or “pushing back” stuff. Or when we’re able to go to (Provincial Capital), in recent years (before Covid, like Feb 2019- the day before I blew up at her for her wanting me to make another fruit bowl after doing it from Sunday Night-Friday night) she made me walk (in my Frakenboots!) from Main Train station, to the Art Museum and since she wasn’t telling me, where we’re going (it was a “pudding” aka an Adventure)- I was complaining the entire way there (22 min walk) and at some point, she yelled at me for complaining even said “if you don’t shut up, we will turn around and go home and never come into (City) again!” and she knows how crazy I go if I’m stuck in (my region) towns for a long period of time. It’s not the first time, she has said something like that she always says stuff like that when I’m acting like a child. Some of my other problems with my mom is that despite her teaching me to cut one of my medications in half in 2012 (she was going to be away for part of May and all of June in East Asia) but until 2021, I hadn’t had any practice in cutting the meds in a long time. But she INSISTS on supervising me doing it because she “doesn’t want me to do it badly” because she litereally yelled at me for doing it on my own the other month because I needed my night half of (med) and she and Dad were watching PBS show, called “The Indian Doctor” and I didn’t want to bother her. And she insists on supervising me if I don’t give her permission to phone the drugstore at nighttime to renew a prescription of me with just the number pad on the phone. And she says living with me and with my sister (who moved out ages ago) is like “needing to tiptoe on eggshells because we never know when Mount Vesuvius might explode”. Personally in the 2019 incident, I think I only threw a fit about the fruit on the Sunday night was because I had done it Sunday-Friday nights, and was going to also have to do it that Sunday night as well, so is it any wonder why I didn’t want to do it in the middle of the day as well? Oh and I think it was 2018- when Mom had a sprained arm, I tried to clip one of my toe nails on my own, and when I showed, Mom she yelled at me for it! And she also yelled at me for trying to change my own bed (I had accidently took my sister’s bedsheets stuff-but how was I suppose to know whose bed stuff is whose, when I never changed the bed before?). Oh and I have bathroom problems a lot (much less then I used too) so I sometimes have to have a parent fix the toilet, because ever since 2004, I was scared to fix the toilet after my Dad accused me of causing the toilet to flood (something he has only recently appolgized for). I did my bathroom business and I did the parents’ job and then flushed it -I then told mom, and when I said something, about it being “bigger” she got grumpy at me for doing that. I mean I’m trying to be an adult here!

And speaking of “Mount Vesuvius” exploding, I been bugging Mom of letting me helping her (like I’m getting to the point, where I need to make “coupons”, on the computer of “One free laundry service either for clothing or for towels by (my name) without a Mount Vesuvius” or “one free fruit making service by (My name) for one day without a Mount Vesuvius”, or “one free non-Friday cooking day by (my name) without a without a Mount Vesuvius”) I mean I haven’t had any practice, doing the actually “put detergent in the washing machine” since 2018 but Mom was technically supervising then and she needed help because of her bad hand, I wasn’t doing it on my own -like I was sort of in 2007 (Mom couldn’t do it with her bad leg at the time, and my sister was out) and in 2012 when she was gone the entire summer mostly, first in East Asia, and then where her parents lived. All I need is another pair of written instructions like she gave me in 2007 and 2012 because between 2012-2018 she has changed rules again of how to do stuff. But she like her Mom “prefers to do everything herself” and she also “doesn’t know if I might have an explosion”. Sure the only thing I would probably need help with is sorting the clothes since some colours look too similar to one enough. Like I have what Mom says is a light pink PJ set, but to me, it looks as white, as this forum.

And My mom yelled at me once in 2014, when I was having some kind of unusually period, problem and I was trying to make an appointment with our (Mom/my) then-family doctor.

But on the other hand, she’s impressed on three (maybe four?) different occasions of my coping.

First thing was in October 2012, I was left home alone for two nights. What I DID know was that on the Sunday they’re coming home-they’re stopping at where the grandparents had been moved too. I don’t recall what time it was but I started getting a bit worried since (TV show we watched) was going to be on that night. So I remembered the name of the Living area where the grandparents were at, and called and asked to be connected to (grandparent’s first names & last name room) and Mom said when she answered the phone in grandparents’ room, that they will be leaving soon.

Another time was my first wisdom teeth were hutting me badly, and despite the fact I was in high pain the parents didn’t want to deal with taking me to the dentist. So on the one Wednesday, after I once again, complained to Mom about the pain, she left for work and I looked up the number for the dentist’s office, and called them and they said, they would fit me in and they did.

Another time, is that at (play-town), Mom and I were going to do a backstage tour again (we were suppose to do it w/ Dad, but he wasn’t feeling too well)-and I asked what time the next day’s backstage tour was and mom was impressed with me doing that.

And Mom was impressed how I coped in somewhere in late 2013, when we came home from (city) since we had been in to see the off-Broadway Disney Aladdin show (it hadn’t gone to Broadway yet)-and it took us forever to get home because of the ice on the ground. On any other trip into city, on the way back home in our town, every return home Mom would praise me for the 2013 trip home

There was one time, I could actually act like an adult in regards to Dad’s childish behaviour and even though she didn’t say anything but I think she appreciates me not screaming back (even though she wasn’t home at time). That Dad had demanded I make a salad for whatever he was making that day- for supper. So I was at that point, my way of making a salad was step 1)take lettuce off the heart, Step 2: wash the lettuce, Step 3), tear the lettuce and put it in the bowl and Step 4)cut up veggies. I was dealing with step 1 and putting the lettuce on the counter next to the sink and Dad stormed in and starting screeching at me about “DON’T PUT IT THERE, IT’S A FILTHY SINK NEXT TO A FILTHY COUNTER!” I said something along the lines of “Mom does it.” And then he tried to claim that my Maternal grandma got sick from lettuce (she didn’t). And then to end it off, he throw the “Filthy” lettuce across the little workspace of the “filthy” counter I had in the kitchen. I just ignored him, and I took my anger out at the veggies instead. (I mean exactly where else was I’m going to put the lettuce, when they’re going to be washed as soon as I was done taking them off the heart? on the Flithy stove instead?)

The first month and half of 2021, I had to go in cycles with my parents of getting me a pysch assessment for Development Services and I kept hitting the brick wall of “Why do you need a pysch assessment that for mental health things, not your problems” and “we should look into other supports for you” so I kept having to repeat 1)it’s more then just mentally and 2) All other supports just lead back to (Development Services) which is why the Pysch assessment was for. I got sick of the parents doing nothing, so I ended up arranging the pysch appointment with just one phone call, when my parents were out in late Feb 2021.

So now I’m on (Development Services) and I’m on Passport program and I got a new computer in late October. But as of the 1st of January, my Parents still haven’t filled out and submitted the blasted Reimbursement Form and it’s due by March. And I can’t pressure them until the end of the month. If I was my own Funding Manager I would have got it done back in NOVEMEMBER.

I am currently trying to write out a House Plan about what I want to live in. But’s kind of complicated due to the fact there are some skills I don’t know how to do.

Sorry for this long rant!

That’s a lot to respond to. Do you mind if I take it bit by bit?

Let’s see if I understand your first section correctly. You can’t braid your hair yourself, so after you washed it, you went to your mom for help with that, like you usually do. When you had to grab a hair elastic, your were upset that your mom was doing something else when you came back with it, even though you came right back. That meant that you had to wait, which made you mad. Since you were mad, you yelled at your mom, stormed off, came back, and slammed stuff around because you were still mad about her not being ready to braid your hair when you came back right away. Also, you have suggested an electric hair braider to your mom, but she does not think that they can do your hair the way you want it done.

Is that about right?

@LeadingZero Yes you can take it bit by bit

Well of Mom and me, on any days which aren’t Saturdays (unless I have change of plans) or I sleep in till noon, I’m the first one of the two of us to have a shower. On Sundays and Woodin’s day (Odin’s day aka Wednesday) are the only two days I wash my hair. For some reason (don’t know why) we found out that it’s better to brush or something after it has sort of “dried” underneath the hair towel?

That after I have the shower and get dressed, I come up here and be on my computer until 11:45am and then go make my lunch (or “first course” of my two courses of lunch) and eat it and read a bit of the paper, I then go back to the computer and then come down again for 2nd course (fruit that Mom makes and yogurt). Then after I finish that, I empty the dishwasher, set the table and refill the dishwasher. It;s only after this, I ask Mom to do my hair.

But yeah it basically boils down to the fact- I can’t braid my hair and after washing it earlier in the day, I went to Mom asking if she would do my hair and she said (grumpily) she would and I said “I will be right back” (since I had to go upstairs to get the elstatic I needed from main bathroom). and then when I came back she was on the dad’s notebook helping him despite the fact I said I would be RIGHT back And yeah, I know i acted childish by slamming stuff around, but I was mad about having to write despite being right back.

I don’t remember whom suggested it by someone on this site suggested the electric hair braider and when I have suggested to Mom in recently months she thinks it would do a only “twisty” thing which I can sort of do a messy version of with my own hair and hands, and she doesn’t think it’s worth the purchase?

PS when i say braid, I meant like put my hair in 3 parts and do it right part of middle part and then left over middle part and then middle part over something? (I can do the first part fine by the time I get to part 3 I get confused!) What I can do is just twist to parts of my hair together-that’s how I commonly get my hair up into the hair towel, so hair soesn’t fall all over my face/head after showering

It’s understandable to be annoyed when you did exactly what you said you would, but other people behave as if that was unexpected. After all, she didn’t even wait a little bit.

I also understand what it’s like to be mad about stupid stuff. Yesterday, I was feeling crummy (my stupid allergies) and I got mad at something fairly innocent that a family member said. To me, at that moment, it felt perfectly obvious why I was mad. Once I was feeling better, I realized how dumb I had been.

I think there is no way to keep from feeling a certain way, in the moment. What I should do, though, is try to keep my mouth shut when I know I’m not feeling well and there is a good chance I am actually overreacting.

About hair: I have long hair too, I’ve had it long for 30+ years. Although I can braid it myself (just like you described), I find it’s too much hassle. It could be a step toward your independence to find a hairstyle that works for you that you can do yourself. Maybe just a ponytail? There is a ponytail-bun kind of thing that I did for years that’s super easy and looks nice too. If you’re interested, I’ll see if I can find photos or instructions.

I know I might have overreacted a bit… but like you said Mom didn’t even waited even a little and grabbing my elsatic (from the main bathroom upstairs) and grabbing the brush which is in the dinning room only takes about 5-10 seconds top.

But when I have had 13 years of adult living with my parents and I have a lot of emotion bottle up (and it doesn’t help, that I have other problems as well) that I go off like a freaking volcano? Unlike HER I can’t be a “Stepford Smiler” (even though for reasons, I’m trying to be that currnetly)

What I did after I had my own “Mt Vesuvius” yesterday was to apologize and admit that I had acted poorly. It would be better not to explode in the first place, of course, but an apology was the next best thing and it did help everyone to feel better.

What did you do?

What do you wish you had done? Anything different?

(ETA: Going to have my own shower now, but I’ll be on my computer afterwards, while my hair dries before bedtime.)

Well it’s not only the braiding part which confuses me like I said, its the third step which confuses me. But it’s also I’m able to get to the back of my braid (the part attached to my head) to undo the braid, I just can’t for some reason grab the loose hair if it’s undone to do a braid, because I prefer tight braids that my sister and my Mom can do on my hair from the loser “Dad” braids have done for me in the last 7 years (2013-2020).

My mom has suggested for years I get it cut (but we would have to go to her hair stylists which she has gone to for YEARS first in town, then in the next town, currently the stylist is working out of her home literally) for suggestions of what would work for me. (But if you ask me, Mom’s hairstyle, I’m not sure if it’s called a bob, or what, Mom’s hair style seem to be more work).

I mean the only good thing about if I ever cut my hair shorter then it is (shoulder-length currently) is I would have people stop touching my hair (or they would have to get much closer to do it) I have one of those hair colours you know? to compliment it. (Picture Aunt Pepa from Encanto just with blue eyes and the same temperament) And also if I don’t like it short, Mom says I can just grow it back out again.

It was a week ago so I don’t remember what I did. But I did think when Dad was out doing something outside in the backyard (either chasing off squirrels helping themselves to bird seed or filling up the home-made 'bird baths" for the birds) I apologized to Mom and Mom forgave me and even gave me a hug. (But turns out what they’re doing on the computer in the first place, they could have asked me in the first place! Since Dad has some weird thoughts about onedrive aka the cloud).

I’m so glad you and your mom settled things.

I wouldn’t rush to cut your hair short, because it takes a long time to grow out. I had bangs just above my eyebrows in March 2020 and they have finally grown down just past my chin now.

It looks like your hair is roughly the same colour as my daughter’s, very nice! Is it wavy/curly also?

I found the hairstyle I was trying to describe here. Don’t worry about their fancy hair elastic; a regular one will work just fine, as it is completely covered up by your hair when it is finished.

You’re not going to go all the way to the bun; just stop the video at the 33 second mark and that’s it, you’re done! It’s easy to try; if you hate it, that’s okay :smiley:

IT’s only is wavy/curvy after being up in a hair towel on hair washing day. Otherwise its straight. Due to my family getting the booster on Wednesday (even though it’s not until 3:15 or 4:15pm) i might not be able to try it until a week today. But i will book mark the video at the moment so i can look at it,. Oh and I don’t know if we have any bobby pins in the house. and even if we did, I know once upon a time, don’t know about now, my hair is thick (actually, it might be thick now too, since when I go swimming in the summer, Mom puts my braid up in a bun and then puts a pencil/hair stick in and she sometimes has trouble). And even if I could do that, I would still need my Mom to braid my hair when i go to bed, since I can’t sleep with it, um loose? I have only ever had 24/7 braid (or for Halloween for one of Girl Guides steps I was Anne of Green Gables, so 2 braids and this past Halloween I was “depress Wanda” from Wanda Vision) even when I got curly hair (from Mom’s stylist) for my prom (10-13? years ago)- for me to sleep that night after prom was over, I had Mom undo the curls, and then she braided my hair. I mean my hair bothers me now sometimes, when I sleep (and I just pull it out of the way) but to think how much more of a problem it would be if i slept with it loose like Isabella does in first part of the Encanto movie?

I know the list of my parent problems is long, but I have a lot of things which annoy me.

And also, It just I’m getting tired of apologizing all the time, to my Dad and my sister, I had tom make a lot of “forced” apologizes and yet I rarely get an apology from my sister (except until recently her actions might represent apologies if not in words, ie restaurants & movies) and I’m starting to view Dad’s few apologies like my sister views my forced apologies if that makes sense?

Hair: My hair is fine and straight, so this may not work for you, but you might try sleeping with it in a ponytail, then making sure to comb it as soon as you wake up. Have you tried a long hair comb? They have wide teeth that are widely spaced. So much easier than using a fine comb or even a hairbrush!

I have tried my hair but it’s with a regular brush. But it’s been so long since I have even done that so I forget, how well or poorly I have done. Not to mention I have no idea where the comb is currently! (oh and for a ponytail, means an elstric-sp? up near the top of my head, and I can’t stand either that or loose hair right at the back of my hair. Because when I don’t have my mom braid my hair I just have her pull my hair back (well the part near the top/back of my head) and I used to insist on her braiding my hair, when I went to bed because I didn’t like the loose hair back there. Oh and it could be very cheap but my mom wouldn’t want to buy another comb when we “have plenty of combs” both my parents are frugal but Dad is more then my mom

Note: I’m not trying to dismiss you ideas, I know you’re only trying to help. They’re all very nice ideas but I’m not sure how well they’ll work for me. Not until I try them, and I have a crazy Wednesday and a Crazy Thursday to deal with

But could we move on to the other issues?

I’m kind of worried that my Mom will yell at me for messing up her washcloth for the kitchen.

I sometimes try to be an adult and try to do stuff that an adult will do. Like since Dad was talking to a friend of his on the phone and Mom was sleeping I made myself hot chocolate but due to the fact my chocolate sauce bottle (does anyone mind if I call Chocolate scause mud?) was getting really empty the last few days-so I decided to try to help, and put milk in the chocolate sauce bottle which is how we try to use every single drop of it and since I never done it before I might have accidently over filled it and I had to clean it up.

And the only reason I didn’t wake up Mom up? Is in the past when I woke her up for this or that, Dad got really, really, really, really mad. So since then, i’m always been really afraid to wake Mom up when she’s sleeping even if Dad’s in another room!

and my Mom called me a “brat having a cow, when things don’t go my way” just because I didn’t want to have to listen to 55mins of Dad talking about new You-know-what-we-re in, information, during every single commercial break in the 55mins of the episode we’re watching of (Show) and it’s was a new episode and knowing my Dad, if you don’t shut him up right at the end of the commercial break, Dad takes 5 extra seconds to stop freaking talking about whatever information he’s sharing.

My parents were having an argument just now when I was trying to do my teeth. Mom had made cookies for our church’s to-go lunches yesterday and she’s dropping them off tomorrow. But Dad and her were arguing with each other and Dad was using swear words (like the f- word and stuff), and I asked him not to swear around ,e and he told me to “f-” off" but THEY don’t want ME to swear so how is Dad allowed to swear? It’s either both of us are allowed to swear, or NEITHER of us can swear.

My Mom is getting grumpy with me for having to go to bathroom like 5-6 times before I can actually fall alseep. But I have like 9drinks per day. But yet, one of the nine drinks is HER fault, because of the fact back in the fall, she didn’t realize that we still had a extra milk, and had Dad I think get two more bags of milk. So she “encouraged” me to have hot chocolate and coffee to use up the older milk bags. To the point, that when I want extra drink now- I go to hot chocolate instead of making tea.

And Mom thinks I get my 2nd water bottle “late” but again, the problem is in our house that Mom doesn’t start making supper until like a quarter to 6. Sometimes a quarter to 5 if it’s Asian food night. and yet unless it’s Sunday night (Asian food night)- we eat sometime between 7 and 7:30pm. Asian food nights it not until 8pm (unless my sister is here, and she’s leaving straight after supper then Mom makes Asian food earlier). So it means I’m not getting my 2nd water bottle drink until 7:30 or 8pm. But yet I know if I cut back on the 2nd water bottle drink, I will have a HUGE headache at about 11pm when I go to bed.

And then on Saturday not only did I have my normal drinks,(OJ, one water bottle before supper, chocolate milk& water at supper, and then a 2nd water bottle) + hot chocolate, but I also had TWO soups that day and yet that night I wasn’t going to the bathroom 5-6 times before I went to sleep. I think I only got up like once.

If you need to go to the bathroom multiple times while trying to fall asleep, as opposed to just once, it’s probably worth seeing a doctor about that to make sure nothing’s amiss. Urinary frequency increases when drinking more, but not typically to multiple times per hour.

I mean after I go to the bathroom 5-6times before I fall alseep, I am able to fall alseep if I can get my mind off my bathroom needs. And due to the pandemic, my parents don’t want to have to take me to the doctor. Like just as this pandemic locked down was happening, I had taken a big fall on sidewalk outside and despite the fact I was in a LOT of pain- the parents refused to take me to the hospital- and only encouraged me to put arnica gel on my legs. Like I fell like the week after Valentine’s day 2020 and my leg was still was swollen of the week before the lockdown on March 13th 2020.

I don’t think anything amiss, since I’m not thirsty or hungry all the time. And I’m loosing weight by excerising. But we haven’t checked my weight since Nov due to other reasons. And it might be the stress and anxiety I have due to the fact these parents aren’t dealing with a reimbursement claim for this computer that should have been done like over 3months ago.

and like I said in my earlier post, on Saturday I had two soups- and my normal drinks and hot chocolate and I didn’t have to go to the bathroom a ton that night.

Sometimes I’m able to go to sleep faster without the bathroom problems so it comes and goes.

It’s me again. I was kind of busy yesterday, it was my birthday. We’re staying pretty locked down here, so— although restaurant dining rooms are open— we opted for a celebration at home. My daughter made my cake (I supervised) and my husband made an appetizer buffet-type dinner (again, I supervised that). It was fun and yummy, but kept us busy.

So, I’ve read what you posted, and I’ll try to respond in order.

Hair (one last time): If you can style your own hair, it may be worth it to have shorter hair. When my hair was halfway down my back, I definitely had to have it in a ponytail when I slept. Now that it is just a little past my shoulders, I don’t have to do that. Have you tried searching online for easy hairstyles? There are a lot of videos for short hair and for long hair. (sigh—I should check them out myself, my pandemic hairstyle needs improvement.)

There are also videos showing real people using different electric hair braiders, so you can see for yourself if they braid the hair or just twist it.

If you have problems finding stuff, let me know and I can give you some links.

Apologies: Yeah, it sucks to be always apologizing. Forced apologies are the worst. Actually, they are the second-worst. A forced apology sucks because either you don’t understand why you are supposed to apologize (just completely confused) or you think you are apologizing when what you did was actually just fine. Worse than a forced apology, though, is not apologizing and then having people ticked off at you when an apology would have helped things.