A Threat To Their Very Existence
Two male customers are enjoying their brunch, occasionally giving each other pecks on the lips. Another customer at a nearby table approaches them.
Other Customer: “Excuse me, but could you stop doing that? This is a family place, and you’re making me uncomfortable.”
Gay Customer #1: “You’d like us to stop doing what? Enjoying our eggs?”
Other Customer: “You know… the gay stuff.”
Gay Customer #2: *To his partner* “Honey, he’s obviously talking about your order of the fruit salad.” *To the other custome.* “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll make sure he orders the hetero-hash from now on.”
Other Customer: “Look, I know how you types like to be sassy, but I’m just nicely asking.”
Gay Customer #1: “You still haven’t told us what you’re ‘nicely’ asking of us.”
Other Customer: “Look, we just don’t believe in gay people, so—”
Gay Customer #1: “Oh, my God! You don’t believe we exist?!”
Gay Customer #2: “Honey! Nooo! Stop just ordering the salad! You’ve lost so much weight that you’ve stopped existing!”
Other Customer: “You know what I mean! Please stop with the indecent displays, or I’ll have to call over the manager!”
Luckily, I’ve been witnessing the entire conversation, and I’ve called the manager over preemptively. The manager has been present for the last few exchanges.
Manager: *To the other customer* “Sir, I am the manager here. Can you please sit at your table and enjoy your meal silently?”
Other Customer: “You need to ask those two gentlemen to leave! They’re being indecent!”
The manager looks at the two gay men and then back at the other customer.
Manager: “I can’t kick them out, sir. They don’t exist.”
Other Customer: *Shouting now* “That is not what I meant, and you know it!”
Manager: “Okay, sir, I’m done. Please pay for your food and leave.”
Other Customer: “I will not be paying for food at a place that tolerates [homophobic slur]s!”
Manager: “And we don’t tolerate people who do not pay for their food… and neither do the police. Will I be calling 911?”
The other customer stares down at my manager but eventually tosses a couple of bills on the table and gathers up his wife and child.
Other Customer: *As he’s storming out* “This place is disgusting!”
My manager waves him goodbye and then turns to the gay couple.
Manager: “Sorry about that, gentlemen. Can I offer you a free dessert for the trouble?”
Gay Customer #1: “I guess we could exist again for a bowl of ice cream…”
They became two of our favorite new regulars!