AMIBU about one 'simple' favour?

My sister’s logic is sometimes a bit ‘other’ in my opinion but I am looking for an objective opinion on this one.

My parents often help out my sister and her family financially and have provided regular babysitting. My wife and I are a bit more comfortable than they are so whilst my parents are very generous on birthdays and christmas, we don’t ask for or need their money and I don’t begrudge my sister their support. However, this is important context for what I am about to explain…

I got a message from my sister asking me for a favour. Essentially the request boiled down to, 'I really want tickets to go see [Show] with my wife. However, Mum and Dad have given me a lot of money recently and I feel kinda bad asking them for something else, particularly since the tickets are kinda expensive. Can you ask them for me instead? Oh and can you tell them it was your idea?"

I tried delicately at first to point out the flaw in her logic and then more bluntly i.e. “If you really felt bad about this you wouldn’t be asking me to do this, you just don’t want them to think you are as selfish as you actually are or risk them saying no.”

Her response came as a series of angry messages over two days but in summary “How dare you make me feel bad for asking you to do one simple thing.”

I felt pretty justified at the time but what do you think, AMIBU, is my sister or were we both out of order?


She wanted you to not only mooch from your parents but lie to them as well… I find she was way or of line.


That was my take but she has a way of making me doubt myself.


She is trying to manipulate you.


Oh I know, I didn’t give in. I am just perplexed by why she seemed completely unable to grasp why I was uncomfortable lying for her.


Yeah I fully agree with Istvan shes not being reasonable. Shes trying to play the game because it sounds like she knows shes SUPPOSED to feel bad but she doesnt actually feel bad.


She was looking for you to help her not feel guilty about something - and she was for sure BU.


“I want a nice thing but the Goose that lays the golden egg isn’t due to lay any more eggs for a bit. And it probably won’t for this. I know… I’ll guilt trip @AlienToasterRepairs to guilt trip the goose into squeezing out another for this nice thing. I can’t see any downside here!”


I feel guilty when I have to ask my parents to borrow money for a bill. But I would feel like a worm asking them for money for something so frivolous.


Her want is frivolous and it is not a “simple” favor. I could understand if something expensive broke (dishwasher, car, refrigerator, etc.) and she feels bad about asking for more money for that versus not managing her money well for a “want.” Could she maybe ask for those tickets for a birthday/holiday gift? It depends on when the show is occurring for when the gift occurs.

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Sorry that is a detail I missed. She wanted me to ask for these tickets as a birthday gift for her.

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Well, that does put it in a different frame… suggesting a gift idea is not bad. Then basically she just wanted you to lie about who had this idea.
Although, exactly because it’d be a B-day gift, not a “freebie”, she could just go ahead and tell them herself that this is what she would like for her birthday.

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Sorry, yeah, thought I mentioned that in my original summary. See to me, if my parents had spent hundreds on me on the run up to my birthday then I wouldn’t be asking them for a big elaborate gift.

I just can’t wrap my brain around “They’ve spent so much and done so much for me lately that I don’t want to ask them for anything else. Can you do it?”


Some people can’t see the forest for the trees. I have a hard time deciding what I want for my own birthday and don’t like people spending money on me. I think she needs to re-evaluate her relationship with your parents


With the added part of the story:
Her suggestion as BD gift for the tickets in itself isn’t extremely unreasonable (I can’t look into your parents financials, but I gather it’s something that’s not a problem for them). But it would still be a suggestion, and for your parents to decide wether or not to do that.
However, it IS unreasonable to ask (basically demand) that you convey that message. And it’s not unreasonable to refuse that.


Thats fair, had she just asked them herself then I wouldn’t have cared since whatever money they choose to spend on my sister is between them and her. TBH, had she just came to me and said ‘If Mum and Dad are looking for hints for my birthday then I’d really like these tickets’ I probably wouldnt have had a problem either but the way she went about it was manipulative and dishonest IMO.


However, it IS unreasonable to ask (basically demand) that you convey that message. And it’s not unreasonable to refuse that.

This. 1000000000000% this.


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