AIBU for not caring? Update 2 - final decision

So I found out on FACEBOOK no less that my biological brother died sometime yesterday or last night. I don’t care. I feel nothing. I have enough crap going on with my REAL FAMILY. I’ve pretty much decided I probably won’t go to the funeral or anything. My aunt may be dying (she’s having a test today) so I’m concentrating on that. No one had the decency to call me or even text me. So at this point I don’t care.


It’s been over 24 hours since I read on Facebook that he died and I still haven’t heard from any of my biological siblings. So I am done. I’m not going to the funeral. Which won’t be a problem since I probably won’t even know when it is. I have my phone on DND so that I only hear from people I want to hear from and anyone else goes to voice mail.

Update 2

I finally heard from my one brother Michael last night. I played dumb. Acted like I didn’t know Mark died. He told me the funeral is Thursday as in tomorrow. I got a text this morning from him asking if I was going. After a few lines of text he started trying to guilt me into going. So that made up my mind. I sent him a text saying thank you for contacting me about the arrangements but I have family issues going on and I won’t be able to attend. All the best. I just realized a few minutes ago that I basically said without saying it that they aren’t family. I don’t see this ending well. I am guessing they won’t contact me ever again. But no big loss.


Your emotions are your own, and it isn’t for us to judge you on things we don’t fully appreciate or understand.

But whatever the case, feel free to come on here and post what you need to, if it helps


Thank you. I’m not a heartless person. Anyone who knows me knows that.


As far as I’m concerned, no one is under any obligation to care for anyone they had no choice in having as their biological family. (If that didn’t make sense, my brain isn’t awake yet.) I don’t know your circumstances, but sometimes you have to prioritize what you do care about. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.


I am reminded that one of my family actually broke out champagne when his father died. And you know what? Given the circumstances, even that wasn’t actually unreasonable.

If your biological brother hasn’t been a real brother to you, you are not obliged to feel the grief of a brother’s passing. Give yourself space to process any emotions that you do feel - it can be complicated, even where there’s little grief for the actual person, and sometimes you skate numb along the top while your feelings are doing things somewhere underneath - and get on with living your life. It’s OK.


No you are not. I think all the others explained it enough.


Thank you.


Thank you

  • hugs *

Thank you.


Nobody has the right to guilt you into attending the funeral of someone you obviously have no close feelings for.

Also, nobody has a right to invalidate your issues and apathy towards people who were plainly not good to you.

And what? Did the other brother think you’d jump on the phone to call after reading about the death on Facebook? He waited for a bit though just to see. Of all the nerve! How dare he then attempt to guilt you into going to the funeral! :rage:
You are a better person than I. My butt would’ve shoveled some coal into my own guilt train! How hateful of him!
Plus nobody else informed you BEFORE posting his death of Facebook?! :triumph:

You’re right. They are not worthy of your time.
Just cut those cords. Like you said, no big loss.

Now, about that aunt? I hope her consultation turned out to not be tragic?
Good people need a little time to say goodbye.

Hugs to you.


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