AIBU Dad Turning up volume on TV I talk to Mom?

Am I beening unreasonable when I get angry when my Dad turns up the TV volume when he’s trying to watch something while I’m talking to Mom? He even does it when I’m even whispering in her ear. It just when he turns up the volume on TV when he’s trying to watch something he hurt MY ears. And this is the same guy who talks in MY one good ear (right) any time we sit on the couch together and watch TV. I mean if he wants me out of the room why can’t he use HIS words?

You MIGHT be being unreasonable, but your dad definitely is. If you often talk loud enough to make it hard for him to hear what he’s trying to watch, I don’t blame him for being annoyed, but like you said, he could use his words. If you’re literally whispering and he still turns up the volume loud enough to hurt people’s ears, that’s some passive-aggressive bullshit.

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I would just keep talking louder until he’s forced to use his words too. If he can be passive-aggressive then so can you! :stuck_out_tongue:

Remember that there is a reason why there is a pause button (Assuming that this isn’t free to air live TV which can’t be paused).

I also agree with the above that your dad could try using his words.

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we don’t have a pause buttom for the TV. Since the stuff he’s watching is on “air” to speak when I’m trying to talk to Mom.

Like I said in my OP, This is the same Dad who talks in my ear when the three of us watches something on TV. He’s either commenting on something or critizing something about whatever they’re watching. I can’t even have him use his sucraue brush next to me or his other thing because they make noise in my ear.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It is definitely possible to focus on the sound from the TV without drowning everything else out. And considering he talks while you’re watching stuff, I have no sympathy.

Is he hard of hearing or does he have a audio processing disorder?

I have sound sensitivities and damaged hearing, and I know I get very annoyed when people talk or someone quietly listens to a phone video when I’m trying to watch television because it literally makes focusing and absorbing impossible. The invading noise worms it’s way into my mind and I can’t focus, even if it’s quiet. And if it’s a normal speaking voice, it literally blocks out the sound I want to hear.

But personally, I think continuing to have conversations while someone is trying to watch an unpausable show and is clearly bothered by the noise is very unreasonable. He can’t just go back and hear what you’ve drowned out again and he wants to enjoy the show. You’re not talking to him… so don’t inconvenience him. At least when he talks to you during your shows, it’s an active attempt to speak directly to you and not to converse with someone else.

That said, he’s also being pretty unreasonable not just saying at some point that he wants you and your mom not to talk when he’s watching a show. It’s kind of immature to just keep jacking up the volume.

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Maybe your dad doesn’t like your voice. And your mom’s voice. But if he doesn’t hear well, most modern television has a subtitles option. He also could use headphones to listen. These can be wireless and also exclude sound from outside the headphones - noise cancelling. If you don’t mind being classified as “noise”.

Plugging in headphones (though I said wireless) cuts off the loudspeakers on many devices, but on your television it may be optional, or else you can set up external speakers as well as headphones plugged into the TV. In fact, many recent TVs do not have good sound built in, and adding separate speakers - or connecting to what I’m going to call a hi-fi - will improve your television listening significantly.

I agree that if you being in the room talking troubles your dad, then it seems that he doesn’t want you in the room at all. But getting angry is probably unreasonable by definition. Are you in the room to talk, or to watch television?

Also, which room is this, because if it is the bedroom… then maybe when you leave, they will turn the television off…

Except when he’s talking when we are all watching a show together. He;s not trying to talk to me about anything. He’s just either critizing something about the show (like if we are watching Murdoch Mysteries- he will critize now about “that’s wrong… X wans’t discovered until Y”). Or he’s commenting on something. I can’t even let him use his sulcabrush or something else (sorry don’t know the name of it! Filling file?) when I’m seating next to him, because it means I can’t hear the TV when he’s talking in my good ear/using the brush/file)

It’s in the family room. I spend my time up here in the house’s libarary that my Dad and his side of the family made before I was born. My parents spend most of their time (if Dad isn’t in the back or front yards and Mom isn’t in the kitchen or the basement). Only the kitchen TV and the family room TV work these days. But except for them watching movies or on Wednesdays Nova program or Thursdays Find Your Roots program- the other times they are watching news all the time (mostly CP24, but sometimes CNN but 5:00-5:30 they watch CityTV and 5:30-7:00 they watch Global News (I do too on my night to cook) and 7pm they watch PBS Newshour. So the only time the TV is turned off is when Dad never thinks of asking if Mom was still watching and turns TV off. Or there’s nothing on TV to watch. It just Dad could still use his WORDS to ask me to leave. Like sometimes due to Dad’s talking in my ear… I have to go listen to the same epoxide or movie, or whatever online to find the word I can 't here.

What is a sulcabrush… oh dear lord. Okay, I’ll call it a dental flossing brush, to clean in the spaces between teeth, without floss. Perhaps a good idea, I could consider it, but not while watching TV with family. Even when we also ate.

In fact, my dentist stopped criticising my brushing, mostly, when I switched to an “Oral B” brand electric rotating toothbrush. But I think they would criticise if I used it while we watched “Murdoch Mysteries”. Wait for the advertisements at least!

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Well imagine three people sitting on the couch Mom and Dad have the “good” seats on the couch which the footrest can rise up from. Mom’s on my left “bad ear”, Dad’s on the right (good ear)… so sometimes I even have to glare at him if he uses his flossing brush because even the little noise makes it difficult for me to contract on whatever we are watching (and it’s 100X harder if we watching UK show… like a certain timey-wimey show because UK actors ((no offense Brits!)) have very soft voices). Like could Dad wait to commercials to do any of that or even mention it?

Like Nom want one year to watch the Percy Jackson movie together on Public TV (Mom and I saw it in theatres, and I hated it). I sat down and as soon as Dad saw centaurs… he said centaurs and I just got up and raced out of the room. I was that fed up with Dad talking in my ear and I can’t remember what year that was but I was in my mid-20s maybe and by that point I already had enough of Dad’s crap of “Talking in my ear/making noise”. I would rather watch it downstairs in the basement (back when our basement TV could actually show TV) or watch it on my computer without Dad blabbing in my ear. I can’t remember if I went back downstairs or not and continue watching it. I might have. Oh yes I did! now I remember. When I shush Dad, Mom tells ME to shush. I wouldn’t be talking if Dad wasn’t being too noisy for me.

But the other half of the time Dad thinks I’m stepping into the family room to talk when all I’m doing is taking off my slippers to go get ready for SWIMMING!) or to bring them mail (4 ,maybe 5 days a week if Mom hasn’t been to the market).

You’re not being unreasonable.

It sounds like a situation where avoidance is the best of your bad options. If watching TV with your dad is causing conflict, then one of you should stop doing that. And you probably know how this works: That someone is going to be you.

I thought of one more thing you can try, but it also sucks: You can turn the subtitles on. Not for them, but for you. That way you can read the show, so it matters less that your dad is making noise.

there’s no subtitles for public TV. Subtiles only happen for DVDs. I only say public TV since I have no other word for it. But we watch it “live” when it’s on (er or mainlt my parents do, I normally am at bowling- so last season and this coming season I will be watchng it “live”). There’s only a button on the remote for auditory helping for the blind.

But the main problem is that Dad talks in my ear when we watch something together so I can’t hear whatever we’re watching on TV (Murch Mysteries, a movie-either on public TV or on a DVD), but yet when I try to talk to Mom even if I WISPHER Dad turns up the volume which hurts my ears and he can’t just use his WORDS to tell me to leave the room? It’s like “Do what I say, not what I do” and he’s always telling me to use my WORDS.

Ah that sucks. I know Dutch and British TV often has teletext subtitles, so I assumed it was the same in your country. (Or at least, they used to). Especially the BBC text is great, it taught me how to link spoken English to written English.

I get that the unfairness is frustrating, so it is going to be hard to accept it, but you cannot win this as long as your Parents don’t change, so it will most likely never be fair. All you can do is manage the consequences, by just not watching TV with them. If they ask why, try to stay calm and explain simply, politely, and succinctly. Simply because that aids in clarity; Politely because it makes it more likely they will listen; and succinctly because being told you are doing someting wrong tends to give people a strong and quickly growing emotional response (cognitive dissonance), so you want the message to get through before they’ve managed to convince themselves that its all your fault.

Whatever you do, I hope you find more peace in your life.

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Yes, you are unreasonable. Take your convo elsewhere. I have a very hard time with ambient noise when I’m listening to a show. Unless y’all live in one big room, you have other places to chat. He can’t very well drag the tv to another place.

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No I can NOT talk my conversation “other places to chat” when Mom’s is sitting on the *** couch with her legs up. Since Mom doesn’t get up except 1)to make supper and 2)to go to the bathroom. or 3)change her clothes into PJs.

it’s unfair I can’t talk to Mom when Dad’s trying to watch something and yet Dad always talks in my ear when the three of us are trying to watch something. But Dad knows it hurts my ears when he turns up the fucking volume when I’m talking to Mom and yet he never shuts up when the three of us are watching something. I mean can’t he use his fucking words to ask me to leave the room?

@moderators

Mom and I have found a solution (maybe) that the next time Murdoch’s on (not till 27th due to Monday’s election in Canada) that if Dad talks too much in my one ear-Mom and I will switch spots so Mom can be annoyed one.

Oh and last summer (summer of 2020) I got really annoyed with Dad. I was using his notebook computer (I couldn’t use my own computer due to the humidily) so I was between Mom and Dad like we’re watching TV. And I had to deal with Mom reading newspaper articles to Dad overtop of me. But what is worse is Dad kept turning on and off the volume on TV (I mean it’s one thing for him to do it for commercials-that’s what I’m used too but this was an actual program). Like one day in August 2020-he even said something to me about a fish on whatever program he was half-watching. “look at that fish (my name)”. It just I got fed up with his on and off during the actual program that I basically rip the remote out of his hand and turn the TV off. And my parents got mad at ME for during that.

Yet I can’t get mad at Dad for turning the volume up when I’m trying to talk to Mom (Even when I’m whispering) about something because it really hurts my ears when he could use words to ask me to leave the room?

His “turning up the volume” has gotten into a yelling match for the past year and a half because he can never use his words.

Oh and another nuisance about my father? He talks so loudly on the blasted phone I can hear his conversation from the library if he’s in the living room which is basically off the front hall at the bottom of the stairs. To the point I have to shut the library door if I want some quiet time up here. (I also have to shut the door if Dad’s talking to Mom when she’s in the bathroom in the morning).

This is the same Dad who yelled at me last year since two months after I started learning Hangul (Korean) on Duolingo-Mom was in the process of retiring- and was up here trying to do that. She left and She and Dad started talking and Mom was on the stairs going to the front hall and Dad was in the front hall. So I had to pop my head out and ask them to please move to another room and Dad yelled at me saying “stay the f- out of it” and Mom said “She (I) was trying to do something” but they did move.

Sorry for the late reply.I’m glad you and your mom found a solution.

Getting mad is rarely helpful, just walk away. If someone asks why, calmly tell them your ears hurt with the volume so loud. Yes, this might mean you have to go be bored in another room, but isn’t being bored better than being in pain?

except we haven’t found a solution. IT just doesn’t seem right that he excepts ME to be quiet when I’m talking to Mom when HE’s trying to watch something but yet he can’t shut the f- up if all three of us are watching TV (Doctor Who or Murdoch Mysteries). And since I’m stuck between Mom and Dad on the couch, he’s talking right into my good ear so I can’t hear what’s being bacon said on TV by characters