ABIU when i tell people off about "RIGHT GUY COMING FOR YOU"?

I want to know if I’m ABIU when I tell people off when they say stuff like “Right Guy is coming for you” (unless you’re my parents)- whenever I get upset about not having my own partner?

It just whenever i get upset about not having my own partner - I’m either told “the right guy is coming for you” or some version of that or with my Mom she’s talks about either a “church friend”, a great-aunt (who lived all her live with my great-grandparents), or a couple of my cousins who have broken up with their partner (and the 2nd eldest been with her boyfriend since she was 16) or she’s talks about a woman at (teachers’ event) that got married for the first time when she was 70.

it just I been waiting for 13 years for a guy to cross my path and it hasn’t happened. And the worst time was when I was at my day-program two years ago maybe? Person A was doing check-in and was talking about her then bad boyfriend and Person B said something along the lines of “Pray to God for a better boyfriend” which made me so upset that I ran out of the room into the hallway. I don’t know the reason why I ran out of the room-maybe because I had been praying to the “big guy” for 10,11 years by that point for a boyfriend and he still hadn’t given me one?

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They are trying to make you feel better. Have you told them what you would like them to say instead that would feel more comforting?

well that’s not really comforting basically it’s the opposite of comforting since I been waiting so long for a boyfriend of my own -13 years to say the least. And I have had zip-none in high school, none in my couple of years of college (stupid transcription class). And since I want to start my own family-ie have kids and since I don’t want to be a single mom-… that’s even worse when I hear people say “Right guy is coming for you”. And because of this “viral yuck” the only way I would be able to meet the guy is if he had an accident outside my parents’ home.

I don’t care what they say but not any version of THAT.

It seems like you care very deeply what they say about this sensitive subject for you.

So have you told them what you would like them to say instead that would be less painful? Maybe give them some examples of things you’d like to hear?

I don’t know what I would like them to say. Since either they’ll say some version of that. Or pre-Pandemic they ask me if I “could possible find someone at church/day-program/bowling (cancelled for the 2nd year in a row)” and church and bowling is made up of mostly older people and for the latter they’re already have had long-term partners (all married). And the day-program technically has unspoken (unwritten?) rule- like a job let’s say, that “we aren’t suppose to date others in the program” not that it has stopped two people-since I know they have a kid now. There’s also the program is mostly my sister’s age to my grandpa’s age. So again not exactly in my age range.

That is where I would start then: think about what you want them to say to you instead. What do you want from these conversations? If they aren’t comforting you and you don’t know what they should do differently, then maybe that’s not who you should talk to about your love life.

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I get this from everyone-from people online. From my day-program. But mostly online. It just I wanted a boyfriend since I was 17 and I still haven’t gotten one and it’s gotten worse that my three remaing girlfriends got married last fall. And now, one of them is a Mom.

Similar to what RR8 said, it might help to think about what specifically is bothering you about the current conversation. Do you feel like “the right guy will come” is dismissive of your feelings? Do you feel like it’s unhelpful when you’re asking for help? Do you feel like it’s perpetuating sexist stereotypes that women sit there and wait for men to come along? Is the entire subject just a sore spot that you don’t want to talk about? Is it the sheer repetition of it after 13 years of hearing it?

Once you figure out what you don’t want in the conversation, it might be easier to figure out what you do want.

As far as I can tell its both dismissive of my feels as well as unhelpful. I been waiting for 13 years for a boyfriend and I still haven’t gotten one. I mean what am I suppose to tell these people “look unless you can send a guy my way don’t talk?”

and the latest comment on (mental health website) on the latest thread said to “still pray to G” but yet I had been praying to “G” for 13 years and he still hasn’t send me a boyfriend. And that comment is just as hurtful-Its like the person didn’t even read what I wrote about what Person B said to Person A.

Oh and before anyone asks-my girlfriends are not options to set me up for blind dates even before the pandemic. I asked one once and they didn’t know anyone and that was back in 2008. My other girlfriends weren’t be much better

To answer your question: no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable telling off people who by now, I suppose, have heard that you don’t wish to hear their (most probably fake) sympathy. You shouldn’t have to be subjected to it if you don’t want to.

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at least someone has any sense on here.

I know relationships aren’t easy…but when I don’t want to be alone when I’m my parents’ age (granted that could happen even with a partner ie: divorce or an early death)-I also want to continue the family line since there’s only two children in this family: my older sister and myself. I guess I also want companionship and since my parents still wouldn’t let me have my own four legged and furry companion

Not sure how much value this adds (or how much I will come off as if I was trying to divert attention to myself /which is not my goal/ or as if I also wanted to tell you what to do /again, not my goal/), but I’ll share my (surprisingly similar) experiences in a spoiler tag here.

Basically, gender-flipped, I’m in the same situation as you. At 35, I’ve have never had an actual relationship, not even a high-school sweetheart – during all these years, there were two times I thought I did, but even those turned out to be unrequited. Being a Christian, I also know to “pray to God for a girlfriend” (although, at least my relatives are polite enough to not bring the topic up often); like you, I’ve been doing it for many years. And in some cases, I felt like God was actually preventing me from forming a relationship with the one I had my eyes on.
Now I pray that God shows me what I should be doing, try to find someone or give up – if, for whatever reason/end goal, I have to stay alone for now, at least I would like to know.
However, in my case, the “continue the family” aspect is even stronger, given that my only brother is a Catholic Priest, so he’ll not have any children.
I don’t know if you have considered joining a Christian dating site? I am seriously considering doing that; however, just as I was about to join one last year, the third wave of C-19 hit and we went back to lockdown, so having a date anywhere was out of the question.
I know this became rather long-winded, but maybe you can find some small comfort in knowing you’re not alone in such a situation.

a Christan dating site isn’t my thing. I want to be more open to other people. And a disabled dating didn’t work out for me either. I want to date normal people- especially one who can drive a car so I can have options other then my parents at get-togethers with extend family and unless we’re the only ones there-we can never leave until someone else leaves first which gets me “fidgety”

Wow. Ok.

It seems like you want to complain about your love life and have people agree with you and vindicate your feelings. If that is the case then don’t say AIBU, or else someone might disagree with you.

I’ve tried to respond honestly and in good faith to your many many posts about all aspects of your life here, and I don’t appreciate the insinuation that I “don’t have any sense” because I don’t immediately agree with you. Clearly you are not responding in good faith so I will not engage from now on.

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You could dig a deep hole in the street outside your parents’ home and see if you catch any, but you’re probably wise to rule that out.

I’m not religious any more but if God only made good partners then a lot of us wouldn’t be here to discuss it. I don’t think anyone is arranging that - unless you live in a community where they do arrange that, of course. But they generally aren’t at a hundred percent on quality control.

For some reason I’ve got running through my mind the older lady in a comic play whose fiancé has escaped. “It takes years to train a man to love me!” she wails.

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and my parents’ street is already a death trap between it being (almost) at the bottom of the hill and it being right next to a park with plenty of options. So I don’t think the town will be too happy if I did that /s

I mean I had some thoughts of hiring a match-maker (like someone suggested on mental health website previously)… but there’s only one problem with that idea: They only match “professionals” and I’m not one.

You basically yelled at me. How is that nice to anyone. Especially someone in my shoes?

No, RR8 definitely did not yell at you.

he was exteremly unhelpful and just said nothign to help me dealing with this problem. He showed no respect for me.

Deciding what you’d like people to ask instead of what they are asking you, or if you’d rather they stopped asking at all, would help you deal with the problem of people asking you what you don’t want them to ask. That will give you more control over the interactions.