911 calls in group homes

Hi! My dad and I have differing views under the circumstances that 911 would be called in the event of a resident having a meltdown or acting childish. I would love to hear your thoughts.

My dad believes that for any little meltdown or a resident “acting childish” (pinching, hitting, biting, throwing something: ie a paring knife) would make them call 911 (or else drug me) and “that will be the end of me” according to Dad. While I believe that 911 would only be called if the meltdown or acting childish if the person was armed or actually throwing something.

I’m austic (self/parental diagoized) so if stuff doesn’t go my way or the way I expect it too, I can get super upset about it. I have had meltdowns in the past (3 in public ) but most have been at home.

In Nov 2015 (might have been early). My church has plays (and not your normal church ones- we have done some more professional plays as well-let’s just say we have had a Catholic wedding, a Jewish wedding, and a Irish (?) wedding at the church via the plays). For some years (2010-2019 with a stint in 2006) of being part of the FOH (Front of House) in my case the usher for the plays. Now the year before I had been able to go to the cast party.

So I assumed in this year for the 3 and a half days of the play that I would be going to the cast party again and Mom didn’t bother to tell me otherwise until the Saturday. So I was very upset for the rest of the afternoon (t was a 4pm performance vs. the night performances) . When I got into Dad’s car with my dad and sister-Dad asked why the *** I was upset and sis told him that (I) thought I was going to the cast party. I guess Dad didn’t hear the word “thought”. And when we got home when I was still upset and crying- he accused me of “being childish” (hinting/pinching/etc) and have been “uninvited” to the cast party. When I told him that wasn’t what happened he didn’t believe me and that made me more upset.
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July of 2016. My Mom and I have a habit normally of going to (distant town in our province to see plays in this town. For some years on the main street there was a (coffee restaurant)) it disappeared by 2019.

Now at this restaurant I would be able to get either ice tea (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays & Saturdays) or Pepsi (Fridays). Now this particular summer that we were trying to save money for our trip that fall So we did a couple of day trips up to distant town). My Mom didn’t think of mentioning it to me before I was telling her what to order IN the restaurant that I “wouldn’t be able to drink Pepsi or Ice tea with my meal” and that made me go into “full meltdown mode” and basically I was having a meltdown Dad must have thought I was talking a little TOO loud and that “someone was going to call 911 on me” and he even said so to my face.

Except for last year-my parents and I been on trips in 2013, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019 to various countries in the world. We came back from our last trip in 2019 and after we got our luggage at (provincial capital’s airport) we went to the “airport express” and on the way there Mom and I notice a sign saying that there was a delay with the train. Dad was not too happy about that and he was grumping. That made me tell him to I think “Grow up” and that turned into an argument.

I even reminded him that HE was the one who acted childish at a museum in (country we visited). That turned into an argument against both my parents and Dad was so sure that the “guards” or personal (sorry not sure what the word is) was going to pepper spray me or call the actual cops on me for “arguing” to/with my parents.

What do you think? Are either of us right or are we both wrong? At what point do staff at a group home call 911 when someone is having a severe meltdown or just being childish?

Call out to @Stephen for helping me re-write the OP so I can actually get answers.

Cast party?

@Stephen

Imagine you’re in a play church or otherwise. After the final night of performance-you guys go someplace to eat and have fun. That’s a cast party. Even if more then just the cast is there (ie: crew). Another name for it in the “screen industry” (big and small: aka movie and TV) is a called a “wrap” party after the final day of shooting.

Kind of understand me?

Actually I remember one story on the site which sort of mentions a high school version cast party but the person who answered the phone about the reservation thought it was a joke or prank and the restaurant was shocked to see X amount of teens there ).

My family has a running joke about the cast parties after Mom’s “one woman” plays. But that’s another story.

I wondered if that was what you meant. It’s just that you hadn’t mentioned being in any plays in what you had previously written, and it isn’t usual that those watching plays get invited to those.

I wasn’t IN the actual church play. My Mom was through! I was part of what’s known as FOH (Front of House). In my case it was the usher. I think I spelled that right. And except for last year- I been the usher for several years in the church plays and I only missed one night due to sickness.

I mean there is the story about the baked Potato incident but that’s more my sister’s fault then Dad’s. And Dad at least apologized for it. It was another time I had a meltdown it pre-dates the being “uninvited” one.

But this talk about cast parties doesn’t answer my question in the title does it?

What is the question?

The title is a statement (with a minor grammatical error, but that’s not important), but adding a question mark isn’t really making it a question. You need a bit more. Here are some examples of how an additional few words make entirely different questions.

Should Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?
Did the Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?
Why did the Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?
Why won’t Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?
Will Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?
If I burn my grilled cheese sandwich, will Group homes call 911 for having a “meltdown”?

Last one is ridiculous and flippant, I know, but hopefully it helps make the point:

You haven’t made the question very clear.

I’d be happy to try and answer it if I knew what the question was. It would also help if I knew what “Group Homes” was. You make no mention of it in the text. If you’ve mentioned it in other posts, already you’ve prevented anyone who hasn’t read those posts from being able to join in.

Once again, I would like to make it very clear that I am not having a go at you; I’m just trying to help you get the most out of the posts that you clearly feel passionate about.

EDITED TO ADD

My bad; I missed it:

At home when I have meltdowns Dad is so certain that if I was in a group home if I acted “childish”-they would call 911 on me. But I’m certain that they would only call 911 if I was threatening someone with a weapon

That doesn’t explain what a Group Home is, nor if you live in one or are likely to. It doesn’t explain either what your question is, but I’m at least beginning to get an idea

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You know, 911 is not only for the police – it’s for ambulance also. So if someone in a group home is having a “meltdown” or tantrum, and the staff can’t handle it, you may find yourself in the hospital being evaluated to see what problems you may have in addition to being on the spectrum, or if you are actually on the spectrum at all.

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@Jude I’m not good with my words. But most of the time when people are “in crisis” and 911 is called from what I read in the paper it’s 99% percent very likely for police to be the one to show up for an “in crisis” call and as I explained many times on the main site, they aren’t the best to deal with mental health issues.

The question is supposedly to be Would a group home “supervisors” call 911 if I had a meltdown or acted “childish”?

A group home is where a small number of unrelated people live together under one roof. Where they can also have supervision and support. People mostly think of it as places for kids, or people with “problems” (mental and otherwise). Somehow the definition for group-homes also mention elderly as well.

I don’t live in a group home-I live at the same house I lived in for 31 years of my life with my elderly parents. But they get so fed up with my behaviour (making a mountain out of a molehill and they’re the ones who made me a spoiled brat by letting me get my way as a child) at times when I have a meltdown they want to kick me out of the house.

It’s times like that, that Dad will claim that if I lost my temper/had a meltdown/acted childish at a group home that they would call 911 on me. But like the 2016 Tim Hortons problem- I don’ t think 911 would be called unless I was armed and or threatening someone

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I’m with Jude on this, and indeed with you: I don’t believe the police would be called on just a meltdown. Ambulance, possibly, if there is a risk to the health of the patient that goes beyond the staffs’ expertise, but not the police.

Calling the police will stress not just the person having the episode, but anyone who witnesses it. It could also have the added effect that should one of the witnesses have a meltdown another time, their stress levels will be so much higher as they now expect to have the police called on them as well.


Before I go to bed, I would like to say that despite my critique on your writing earlier, I am noticing a huge improvement. For one thing, you are using sensible paragraphs. You’re also presenting the information better, although you still need to work a bit more on what is necessary for the point you are trying to make, or the question you’d like answering.

For example in this type of post, where you’d like us to answer a question, it would be really helpful if, instead of just relying on the question in the title, you conclude your post with a repeat of the question. Yes, you did include the question in the text, but it was buried, and it wasn’t that clear.

So might I suggest this approach in the future. For the title, it doesn’t have to be the question, but a brief overview. So for this topic I might have used:

911 calls in group homes

Then start by posing the question, but in a way that makes it clear you will be filling in with more information:

“Hi! My dad and I have differing views under what circumstances 911 would be called in the event of a resident having a meltdown or being childish in a group home. I’d love to hear your thoughts”

Then give a bit of background, followed by whatever examples you think are useful.

Then go on to say “my dad thinks this…” (and explain his opinion, ideally as neutrally as you can). Follow this with “whereas I think this…”

Then finish with “what do you think? Are either of us right, or are we both wrong? At what point do staff at a group home call 911 when someone is having a severe meltdown or just being childish?”

If you follow that approach, hopefully you’ll find more people will respond to your request for answers.

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thanks for trying to help me. My parents don’t think I should be “blabbing about my home problems” to the world. But when I have just so many issues with my Dad (ok there’s some mix of good but the issues out weigh them).

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Well, one should be careful when opening yourself up to the world. For one thing, you do need to remember anyone can respond, and there is no guarantee that what they will be offering is good advice.

I have zero experience in special needs, so my words should be weighted far less than someone who has been trained.

There is also the risk of a troll responding in a really nasty way that could get you down. People on NAR are pretty decent, but you know how some topics do attract the trolls on the main page. You should be prepared for that too.

And there is always the risk of you accidentally, over time, providing sufficient information that they can work out details you don’t want people to know, like exactly which restaurants you go to and when.

So do please be careful.

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which is why I resorted to only using terms from NAR… I had some good pratice on mental health website (ie golden arches or (famous hockey player resturant). And it’s why I only used P, W, and A in the train ticket story.

PS I know you wouldn’t see this until tomorrow but does the OP look better?

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That does look better. Good job.

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Wait a minute, you are a grown adult who is self diagnosed as being autistic and still throw tantrums when you don’t get your way? I’m sorry, I’m out of this conversation, because you won’t like what I have to say.

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I do have other problems. But I did point out that my parents did make me a spoiled brat. Which means when I get upset I throw tantrums. Because that’s how I been taught by my PARENTs that if I want something throw a *** tantrfum.

But in at least the 1st story above about (famous coffee restaurant)-I had a MELTDOWN because my parents didn’t inform me beforehand that I couldn’t do my normal routines at (restaurant) and if you know anything about austic you would know that austic people have meltdowns if their routines change without warning. So people like me, even as an adult need to be informed a head of time there’s going to be a change. Look at the threads over in NAR section about the leaders of (day-program)-pipe bursting story, the Lunch one, the potluck day one, and the 2020 get together one.

And with the cast party one-I assumed I was going because I was there the previous year and Mom didn’t bother to tell me otherwise until the night OF. So I had a very good reason to be upset. She had Wednesday-Friday nights to tell me. And Dad didn’t help matters.

PS. is self and parental diagnosed. Like I don’t like changes in my routine. I have issues with tags in clothing. I used to not like the taste of: olives, Kimchi, or marshmallows. We didn’t realize how much austic I actually was until our local liberal paper had an series on autism when I was 18.

You’re an adult, you are responsible for your actions, you can’t just blame your parents for screwing up.

What does that mean? Well, first you have to learn to notice when you are overreacting. Not having your favorite beverage is not a good reason to throw a tantrum. You’re allowed to be annoyed, of course, but a tantrum sounds like a lot more like doing things than feeling things.

However, I am not autistic nor do I know anyone who is.

I do know that there have been times when I have overreacted to a situation. It is not right for me to scream at my husband for asking me a particular question, even if a) I was tired and feeling unwell; b) he had asked that same question (and had it answered) three times in the last two days. It was not right for me to scream at him, and I apologized immediately. It would have been better not to have screamed in the first place, but I couldn’t undo that. Nobody should be screamed at unless it is an emergency.

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did you miss the fact-that I had a meltdown because of the fact my parents didn’t inform me before hand I couldn’t get either of my NORMAL ROUNTINE DRINKS AT (COFFEE CHAIN)?. Even little changes in an austic person’s routine upsets them unless they have advanced warning about the change. But they didn’t bother to tell me until we were AT the (COFFEE CHAIN) IN QUESTION.

I’m been drinking water from Gr.4-Gr.12. (Gr.4&5 I was in a portable) From a water bottle by the time I got to post secondary school I got so sick of “plain” water… my sister suggested using Crystal light so I could have some flavour for my water. So the only times I drink plain water now-is when I’m in bard’s town outside of restaurants, or I’m overseas on trips with my parents. But in restaurants-I can order ice tea (my normal to-go choice-its also is Mom’s to-go choice, unless we’re in an Asian restaurant)- or in this restaurant at the time Pepsi (it would be cola now if there still was (coffee restaurant) at the location there isn’t… it’s a Popeye’s now. It’s part of my routine when I was up there at the restaurant. If I had advanced warning I could have put a crystal light into my water bottle, brought a crystal light packet with me. so I could add it to my water bottle.

And yet the next time we had a day trip we couldn’t find (either a name of a invisible rabbit or the name of a teenage witch’s boyfriend) restaurant in the same town so we went back to my town and went to the restaurant chain there of the same name and I got to have pop. And that was after I had put crystal light packet into my water earlier in the day before the 2nd day-trip since I didn’t want a repeat.

austic meltdowns& adults:

PS: this doesn’t answer my question in the headline in the first place

I think you need to be more general. As a Canadian (from a distant province) I know exactly which coffee shop and which town you went to. When people write “golden arches” or “famous sandwich shop” on NAR,it doesn’t hide the fact that they are talking about Macdonald’s or Subway, it is simply a way to avoid using those names while still letting people easily figure it out.

If you are protecting your privacy, you need to be more general. Instead of talking about what the town is known for, just say “nearby town” or “distant town”. If you worked at Tim Horton’s, then I would strongly recommend just writing “fast food place” or “donut shop”, but as a customer, that doesn’t help someone to find you (unless you write something about always being in a particular store at a particular time).

Years ago, a fellow forum poster on [Major Travel Forum] was warned by a number of people that he was putting out too much personal info, and it could be dangerous. He said there was no way people could ID him from his forum posts.

I read his old posts, and sent him his full name and city in a private message an hour later.

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Thank you for that information but could we get back to the topic on question? I know I shouldn’t have meltowns but when my routines get changed badly I get badly upset and I don’t think straight. (see two of the threads in NAR section-one about water pipes, and the one about potluck day-I forget what the thread’s call “leaders not getting everyone”) those were two times I was very upset about something.

what about the topic on question?