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Enough Entitlement For The Entire Planet

, , , , , , | Learning | May 19, 2024

I work at an observatory. A school is visiting, and while the kids are having a great time, one of the chaperones seems like he doesn’t want to be there. I am assisting the astronomer.

Astronomer: “Now, Saturn’s rings are only a few million years old! That might seem old, but on an astronomical scale, that means they’re super young!”

Chaperone: “That’s complete horse-s***! Nothing out there is older than the Earth! God said so! ‘In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth!‘”

Astronomer: “Sir, please don’t use that language. I like to interpret that passage as saying the Heavens came first, and then the Earth. In that sense, regardless of how old you think the Earth is, the Heavens can be much, much older.”

Chaperone: “Oh, yeah?! Well, that’s what your science books tell you, but I only need one book!”

The other teachers are embarrassed and trying to shush the chaperone. Based on one extra embarrassed-looking child, he might be one of the parents.

Chaperone: “I knew this trip was a bad idea! We should take the kids back to the school.”

One of the teachers approaches the chaperone.

Teacher: “I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun, not you. Be quiet or leave.”

He was quiet, even during the part about the Big Bang happening thirteen billion years ago.

If You Want The Nice Change, You Have To Have A Nice Change

, , , , , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2024

I work at a gas station in a pretty fancy/bougie part of town. I work with the night manager from ten at night through to six in the morning. I’m relatively new, so I’m still learning about the quirky little processes that are always unique to certain places of work.

A customer pulls up around 1:00 am.

Customer: “I want $10 of gas on tank three.”

He tries to hand me a hundred-dollar bill.

Me: “Do you have anything smaller, or a card payment? I can’t break that.”

Customer: “That’s all I got. It’s legal tender, so take it and figure it out.”

Me: “If you got a bit more gas, I could—”

Customer: “Nope, not going much further, so I don’t need you making me buy more than I need. Take my legal tender and figure it out.”

At this, my manager steps to the side and opens up a locked cupboard that has always been marked as “revenge rolls”. I’ve had yet to ask why. They begin to take out rolls of coins, adding up to $90. It’s a lot of coins, and it takes over almost all the counter between the customer and me.

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!”

Manager: “$90 change, as you’ve requested.”

Customer: “I can’t take all those f****** coins!”

Manager: “You want $10 on tank three? Take my legal tender and figure it out.”

The customer swears a little more but accepts the ridiculous amount of coins, storms out, puts $10 in his tank, and drives off.

Me: *To my manager* “Now I know why they’re called ‘revenge rolls’. Rolls of coins.”

Manager: “Yup. I save them for special customers. You wanna come in here at 1:00 am and demand change from a hundred? You f****** got it!”

My eyes catch something else in the cupboard.

Me: “You actually have some spare tens and twenties in there, too?”

Manager: “For those customers who say ‘please’.”

I may have needed the job for college, but because of that manager, I stayed a little longer in the role than I had to.

They Automatically Give You A Lot Of Stick

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2024

For a short while between jobs, I worked as a rideshare driver. Most of my rides were uneventful; however, one stuck out.

I picked up [Girl #1] and her friend for a drive that would earn me about $40. We set off, and I went onto the highway and encountered a bit of traffic. The two girls in the backseat were chattering as normal — that is until we reached the traffic. It should be noted that I drive a cheap little manual transmission car.

Girl #1: “Um, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m sorry, isn’t this the route you would like to take?”

Girl #1: “Um, no. Why are you fiddling with that thing in the center?”

Me: “The gear stick?”

Girl #1: “Um, no. The fidget stick you have glued to the center console?”

Me: “No, that’s a gear lever for changing gears on the car. It’s a manual car.”

Girl #1: “Stop lying and pay attention to the road, and stop playing with the fidget stick!”

Girl #2: “Oh, my God, [Girl #1]! Leave him alone and let him drive!”

Girl #1: “No, [Girl #2]! He’s going to crash and get us killed!”

By then, we had come off the highway and were about three-quarters of the way to our destination.

Girl #1: “Listen, stop playing with the fidget stick, or else I will cancel this ride!”

Me: “It’s a manual car. I’m changing gears. I don’t know how else to explain this to you.”

Girl #1: “You are lying. No such thing exists. My boyfriend is a mechanic.”

By then, I was turning into the parking lot of the destination and was about to stop in front of the movie theater they wanted to go to.

Girl #1: “I am not paying you. You were driving distracted for the whole drive.”

Girl #2: “[Girl #1], shut up! Here, I’ll pay.”

[Girl #2] paid and included a $10 tip.

Girl #2: “Thanks for the ride. [Girl #1] is stupid. I don’t know why I’m friends with her — and her boyfriend works at [Fast Food Chain].”

A Kea Idea

, , , | Right | May 19, 2024

If you know anything about New Zealand, you should know about our birds. We have multiple smart, playful, and above all, CHEEKY birds. You probably have even heard of the one I’m about to talk about, the Kea, most often known for their love of taking apart cars.

At the nearest zoo to me, they have recently added a walk-through aviary with airlocks for this mischief-maker on wings. The zoo is partnered with our conservation department, and a lot of our natives are here for breeding purposes or (the little blue penguins) because they can’t be released due to injury.

During this visit, we watch the Kea carefully tear apart some enrichment for the treats within, and we listen to the keeper talk about their habits and their intelligence — considered to be on par with a three-year-old human.

A little later on, we come to look at them again, and now they’re being weighed! It is a hilarious scene, and we are delighted to be able to watch. We all notice that the keeper is taking down the notes on a heavily padded digital tablet.

Me: “Oh, wow. That’s a big case you have on that thing.”

Keeper: “Hah, no kidding. We need it. If I put this down for a second, these guys will go for it.”

The keeper showed us a few beak-marks on the edges, chuckling.

We continued to watch as she tried to coax one of the birds out of a spot it was napping in, and, as we humans do, put the tablet down for a split second on the surface beside her thigh.

INSTANTLY, a bird on the other side of the enclosure RACED across the floor, running over my friend’s foot, in order to grab the tablet.

No destruction was to be had, thankfully, but we still laugh at how eager that Kea was to get to their desired chaos.

OCD Over The BLT

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2024

Customer: “Could I get a BLT sandwich, but… like… with every ingredient on the side?”

Me: “So, you’d like to assemble it yourself at the table?”

Customer: *Looking nervous* “Yeah… is that okay?”

Me: “I got you, mate! Tell me what you need.”

My aunt has OCD, so I have a good gauge of what this is. And when I say OCD, I don’t mean in an “OMG, I have to have my desk neat and tidy” kind of way, but more like “If the desk has the pen the wrong way around in its placement, I will be unable to function for the rest of the day” kind of way — real OCD.

I lay out all the items on the side for the customer on little plates, and he gets visibly more relaxed as we go. He thanks me profusely when the order is finished, and we chat for a moment.

He came in at a time when he knew we’d be quiet. His therapist encouraged him to try to order food out instead of cooking at home, and our “build your own sandwich” store seemed like a good place for him to start.

Customer: “Thank you so much for accommodating me. I usually get a hard time for it wherever I go.”

After he leaves, my coworker also thanks me.

Coworker: “That was great. It taught me not to immediately judge people.”