Henpecked By A Blue Jay
Our house backs up onto this tiny wooded area right next to the river. All manner of beasts love the river, even though it’s gross and barely even a creek where we are, so we get lots of critters around our backyard.
One day, my dad tells me he wants the lawn watered and to get the hose from the back. The hose is attached to this wall that is absolutely covered in greenery, and if it weren’t on the wrong side of the house, it would camouflage the entire wall.
Just as I’m reaching for the hose, I’m attacked! A bird has nested in the bush, and it’s decided I’m bothersome. Worse: it’s a blue jay. Those guys are vicious.
Figuring it would be better to be yelled at than get pecked to death, I go back inside to tell my dad I can’t get the hose as there’s a bird protecting its nest.
He stares at me, scoffs, and goes outside himself.
Just as he’s pulling the hose from the wall and wrapping it around his arm, another attack! And this time, it’s both birds! Maybe because I’m a tiny twelve-year-old and he’s much bigger than me, they thought he was a bigger threat? Who knows!
Because his arm is wrapped up in the hose, it takes him a minute to untangle himself with that arm, while the other arm is trying to protect his head and waving the birds off at the same time. It’s almost comical: a grown man who didn’t believe his child and is now paying the penalty, dancing around a three-foot square patch of semi-parched grass, while two small blue and gray missiles defend their young and themselves against this evil invader.
He finally gets himself out of the hose and rushes back into the house after being pecked several times.
The lawn does not get watered, and he avoids me for the rest of the day.