I’m on lunch from my shift at the grocery store, and I go across the street to the coffee shop to get some much-needed coffee and a snack. I’m standing in line, and the woman in front of me notices my uniform.

Customer: “Oh, you work at [Store]. I was just there; it’s so busy!”

Me: “Yeah, everyone’s buying last-minute items for Mother’s Day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m glad you’re getting a break from it all!” 

Me: “That’s an interesting pastry you’re getting.”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I love it. Have you never had it before?” 

Me: “Oh, well, I don’t normally come here, but I’m working a double today, so I thought I’d get myself a treat.”

Instead of getting three of the pastries (for herself, her partner, and their kid), she buys four. I don’t think much of this as I zone out a little and check all the text messages that came my way while I was on my shift. As I’m about to order my coffee, the woman hands me the fourth pastry.

Customer: “You’re doing a great job, and I wish you the best for the rest of your shift!”

Before I could process what had happened, she darted off toward the exit and left with her partner and kid. I weakly shouted out a thank-you before I realized there was a $10 bill on the counter that the barista said had been left for me to order whatever drink I wanted.

That was the nicest thing a customer has ever done for me, and she wasn’t even my customer!

My coworker is serving a table with a couple and their child, about eleven years old or so. They order an apple juice for the kid, and [Coworker] brings it over in an adult glass.

Father: “I don’t want my kid to have all that sugar! Bring her a kid-sized drink!”

Coworker: “Sir, the glasses are the same size. The adult size just looks bigger because they have thick bottoms.”

Father: “Are you blind?! That adult glass is clearly bigger, and like I said, I don’t want my kid to have all that sugar!” 

My coworker is a bit of an a**hole. He gave the man a super deliberate exaggerated nod, said nothing, and marched to our little service alley behind the bar. He reemerged with a kids’ cup and set it down beside the adult glass. Then he picked up the adult and poured the juice into the kids’ cup, lifting it progressively higher until the last drops were dropped from like a foot over the glass.

He then darted the f*** off to the kitchen without even looking at the father, like he didn’t even exist. It was a challenge trying not to smile as I witnessed that!

CONTENT WARNING: Violence (Threats, Suggestion Of Sexual Assault)

It is currently hot as balls in our state, so even with the AC on, we are all very uncomfortable at the checkout lane near the constantly opening doors. Since we’re a small store and don’t have a set uniform (we can wear any top as long as it’s black), I am currently wearing a sleeveless top.

An older man in my checkout lane seems to not be too impressed that I — a young woman — wish to be comfortable for my own benefit.

Customer: “Typical. All you girls say you don’t want any of this attention, but I see you go out wearing all these tiny and tight outfits, showing off as much skin as possible.”

Me: “Sir, it may be hard for you to believe, but I wear what I wear for my benefit, not yours.”

Customer: “Always the same defense, but the truth is that you have a choice to dress revealingly or not, and every time you choose to, you’re asking for it. You girls really are asking for it.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, do you want me to hold your items while you run back to our auto section to get a bike helmet or some protective headgear?”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! I don’t need one of those!”

Me: “Oh, I just assumed since you’re not wearing protective headgear, you’re basically asking me to smash your head in with a hammer? I mean, you’re not wearing one, so you must be asking for it, right?”

Customer: “That’s… that’s…”

Me: *To my coworker in the next aisle* “Hey, do you have a hammer I could borrow? I promise to be real quick.”

Customer: “That is not what I meant, and you—”

Me: *Fake speaking into my walkie-talkie* “Security to checkout, security to checkout. Oh… and bring a hammer.”

Customer: “Dumb f****** sl*t!”

He stormed off, leaving behind his shopping.

I am discussing something with my manager when one of our new starters, an eighteen-year-old man who started working here last month, interrupts us.

New Starter: “There’s a mistake in my paycheck. I didn’t agree to pay taxes.”

My manager and I stare at each other for a moment. Once we’ve confirmed that we did, in fact, both just hear what we thought we heard, my manager turns to him.

Manager: “What do you mean by not agreeing to pay taxes?”

New Starter: “I’d rather not do the whole tax thing, thanks. Do I need to opt out, or is there something I need to do?”

Manager: “You can’t just ‘opt out’ of taxes. If you’re a citizen of this country and you work, you pay taxes.”

New Starter: “But… I don’t want to.”

Manager: “Well, that’s unfortunate.”

New Starter: “But… it’s my money!”

Manager: “Well, it’s the government’s money now.”

New Starter: “No! I want it back! I didn’t agree to give the government my money!”

Manager: “If you work here, the taxes come out of your paycheck automatically. You agreed to that when you signed your contract to work here.”

New Starter: “No one reads all of that!”

Manager: “Be that as it may, you agreed to have a percentage of your paycheck be taxed. If you wanted to do your own taxes, you’d need to work for someone else who allows it or be self-employed. Outside of that, there’s nothing I can do.”

New Starter: “This is bulls***! I can’t be the only person who has complained about this!”

Manager: “Welcome to the real world, [New Starter]. The only constants are death and taxes.”

New Starter: “Wait… So, everyone pays tax? Like… every paycheck?”

Manager: “If they’re not, they’re breaking the law.”

New Starter: “This is bulls***!”

Manager: “How do you think the roads you drive on are maintained? Or the police get paid?”

New Starter: “Ugh! Well, I was against it before, but now I want to defund the police, too!”

He storms out.

Me: “Sadly, I’ve seen that happen when every person opens their paycheck in their first ‘grown-up job’.”

Manager: “They snoozed in history lessons at school about tossing that tea into the harbor, but as soon as they start working, they finally get it.”

I have just told the customer that I cannot process their refund without a receipt.

Customer: “I know the manager personally. It’s [Manager]!”

Me: “Yes, that is the manager’s name, but you still can’t get a refund without a receipt.”

Customer: “You’re gonna make me call him? You really don’t want to do that! I know him personally!”

Me: “You’re welcome to try.”

With that, I get my phone out and stare at it.

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m [Manager], so I’m waiting for your call.”